What is a time of joy for many women was my darkest hour.
This morning I got up early and went grocery shopping before work. I only did this because we had no vegetables or coffee creamer in the house and I knew I would regret it the entire day if I didn’t just drag my ass to the store and get it done. So I went. And then something weird happened: I had the best time. Turns out the early morning hours at the grocery store are like a whole different world. A world I highly recommend venturing into if you get the chance. Here’s why:
1. You’ll have the store to yourself. Nothing turns me into a grumpy, muttering puddle of anxiety faster than a super crowded grocery store. My usual grocery shopping time of mid afternoon on Saturday is a very popular grocery shopping time, but 7AM on a Thursday? The store was blissfully empty. The only sounds were the light creaking of my shopping cart and the John Tesh slow jams on the store speakers. Bliss!
2. Except for all the impeccably dressed old people. There will be a ton of old people there. Old people like to grocery shop in the early morning hours, and they like to dress up for the occasion. I got enough fashion inspiration for two or three articles from the crowd in the Grape Nuts aisle alone.
3. And some of these old people will be old men in derby hats who flirt with you shamelessly. At one point I needed to get around a little old man whose cart was blocking the aisle. When I said, “Excuse me,” he looked up, smiled, said, “No, excuse me,” and bowed like a conductor at the end of a concert, gracefully removing his derby hat in my honor. These kinds of things do not happen when I’m elbowing my way through the Saturday afternoon crowd at Whole Foods. By the time I left the store this morning, I was going steady with like five different 80-year-old men.
4. The store is sparkling clean and organized. Being one of the first customers in the store means other customers haven’t had a chance to come in and destroy the place yet. The floors are clean, everything’s where it’s supposed to be, there are no suspicious puddles to navigate your cart around, and life is grand.
5. The cashiers are in a good mood. Sure, they might be a bit groggy first thing in the morning (who isn’t?), but the chances that an asshole customer has ruined their day are much lower when they’ve only had three customers come through their line (cue all my cashier friends saying, “YOU’D BE SURPRISED”). With no long line, they can relax a bit and tell you about how oatmeal wreaks havoc on their digestive system. At least that’s what my cashier told me about today.
6. You’ll feel so productive when you’re done. When I got home at 7:30, put away my groceries, and realized I’d already checked a huge, annoying task off my to-do list, I felt like I could conquer the world. Or, you know, scarf down a piece of the bread I just bought and rush to get ready for work. But still.
Reprinted with permission from The Frisky. Want more?