Would I have to start planning outfits around the tattoo like I plan for weather?
There are many types of YouTube videos. There are the personal rants, the cute crap-doing kitty cats, the makeup tutorials, the semierotic interpretations of popular music videos using Sims. I thought the latter was my all-time favorite. Then I was tipped off to the heady, Coastal Waters®-scented existence of Yankee Candle Haul videos.
Wikipedia's definition of a haul video is "a video recording, posted to the Internet, which displays items recently purchased, including product details or even the price."
A search of "Yankee Candle haul" at YouTube brings up around 750 videos in which the consumer appears before a camera brandishing his or her waxy purchase and walks us through each step toward achieving Yankee rapture, using vernacular like "tunneling" and "pooling."
After my friend Katie of the Any Coupons??!? Tumblr tipped me off to Yankee Candle haul videos (henceforth to be abbreviated YCHV), the first I watched was by dsyauch, a bespectacled and adorable teen who holds his candle jars at the bottom and inhales, thoughtfully rolling the scent of Pink Lady Slipper around on his palate as if it were a fine Malbec.
What I like about dsyauch is that he is incredibly knowledgeable and terribly serious about his scents. I also like that he has a coffee maker in his room even though he's, like, 12. Unfortunately, I later found out this exact video was featured on Tosh.0, driving countless idiots to bully his 'Tube channel. You know what I think about this? I think YouTube user yaoigaga said it best in the comments:
"Okay it doesn't matter who sent you here what matters is that this kid has an AMAZING smelling room probably….."
For sheer enthusiasm, you're going to want to check out the sniffy stylings of the charmingly-named but very mysterious YankeeDudelDandy. He's always careful to keep his own face out of frame. I can support this. Let the product do the talking, YankeeDudelDandy! He starts every YCHV with a dramatic pan across the front of each candle, accompanied by a jaunty tune. He has a spectacular Southern accent, kind of Randall-the-honey-badger-guy-ish, and he tends to focus more on the mechanics of Yankee Candlism: how useful the inner lid ring is; how he prefers Bic lighters to other inferior brands, and how improper angling when you light your haul can result in charring.
While reviewing the Mango Peach Salsa candle, YankeeDudelDandy says, "Now I admit, I've never actually had mango peach salsa, or smelled it before, but I can imagine that's what it smells like." Good enough for me!
Do you like snap-on Justin Bieber hair paired with a hypnotic Welsh accent? Then you'll love TylerbyChanel, whose scent-suous interests lie mostly with Lush products, although he's done a YCHV or two. I adore Tyler and the way he closes off one nostril to take in the Yank, even though he once committed the cardinal haul video sin of using the product before he shot the video.
"As you can see, I have burned it," he says sheepishly, to which I reply: it's black cherry-scented, dude. Everyone loves black cherry. You're lucky you had the willpower to take it out of the shopping bag before you lunged at it with a match.
Personally, I'm not a Yankee Candle girl. I do own a few WoodWick products because when it comes to having a tiny contained fire inside my home, I prefer a pleasing crackling sound over a heavy scent any day. But maybe my YCHV friends and I could get together and find some common ground. We could have nice conversation over crudites and coffee brewed by jcyauch. We'll even make a video about it.