xoFOOD: Claire's Wish List of Hybrid Treats

I’m not really tired of food hybrids if you guys aren't tired of reading about food hybrids.

Oct 11, 2013 at 10:00am | Leave a comment

Have you guys heard about the Starbucks Duffin (which may be a rip off)? It's supposed to be a doughnut muffin hybrid, but it sounds kind of lame.
 
Is anyone else getting tired of all these food hybrids? No? Just me? Maybe it’s because people keep asking me to reproduce them. I know I did this to myself and I’m not really complaining, but sometimes I’m like “Can’t I just make a chocolate cake or something?” and my Facebook is like “NO. YOU MAY NOT.”
 
And I love it; I live for it. So I guess I’m not really tired of food hybrids if you guys aren’t tired of reading about food hybrids. 
 
But the Starbucks Duffin (doughnut + muffin) is kind of dumb. It’s dumb because it doesn’t seem like it actually taste like a doughnut. It’s not fried. It’s not made with a yeast dough.  It’s just a muffin stuffed with a jam-like substance, which is not worthy of a “doughnut hybrid” title. Marianne said a bakery near her made one and it did indeed taste like a doughnut, so I should try that next time I’m in Orlando.
 
But while we are talking about food hybrids, I feel like we should talk about the ones that have yet to become a real thing. I’m talking about a wish list of hybrid foods (mostly desserts). These aren’t things that I’ve made or even could make; I just want other people to make them and put them in my mouth.
 
1. Cupnut (cupcake + doughnut)
 
Wouldn’t it be better to merge a doughnut with a CUPCAKE? Then, you could call it a cupnut and hilarity ensues because, c’mon, “cupnut.”
 
I’m not totally sure how I would go about making this, but I do know there would have to be yeast involved, and the whole thing would have to be fried. THEN you add cupcake frosting, probably chocolate. So, I would think a sour cream doughnut cupcake with chocolate frosting and, what the hell, oreo crumbles? This is a list of DREAMS, remember, so I can have it all.
 
2. Pike (pie + cake)
 
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Unbelievable.

 
This is a real thing that I have eaten. It is a pie baked inside a cake and it should definitely go mainstream. I've only had the cherry–pie-in-a-chocolate-cake version, and oh baby it was fantastic. Think of all the other combinations, though! Pecan pie in German chocolate cake! Blueberry pie in butter cake! Key lime pie in coconut cake!!! “Oh but Claire, how would you bake a cake around a key lime pie without messing up the pie?” you are asking.
 
I will leave that to Dominique Ansel. I’m sure that guy could figure it out.
 
3. Chessnie Squares (brownies + chess squares)
 
Do you guys remember when I was trying to get back to my “Southern roots” through food and I was all “CHESS SQUARES!”? 
 
Fun fact: my family gave me grief for not calling it “smash cake,” which is not a real thing, it’s just what my family calls it (in an extremely insistent manner).
 
Anysquares, what if you took out the cake mix and replaced it with brownie mix? AND THEN what if you took out the cream cheese and added chocolate cream cheese? Or you could just add cocoa powder to the existing topping recipe, whatever.
 
Either way, you would get a delicious brownie bottom with a chocolaty, crispy, creamy topping.
 
“Chessnie Squares” is a dumb name though. Someone tweet me something better.
 
4. Fudge Krispy Treats (Rice Krispy treats + fudge)
 
I tried to make this once and the Rice Krispy part turned into the rice soggy part, but the dream is still alive and well.
 
I just want fudge that is also a Rice Krispy treat and I don’t feel like that is unreasonable.
 
I think the error was in my approach; I just poured a hot fudge mixture over completed Rice Krispy treats. Obviously, the hot mixture re-melted the marshmallow/butter situation and the cereal was exposed to all that liquid so OBVIOUSLY THEY GOT SOGGY CLAIRE.
 
There’s gotta be a better way.
 
4. Ice Cream Macaron Sandwiches
 
I really like ice cream sandwiches. Also, I like ice cream more than pretty much every other filling. Want to make a cake better? Take out the frosting and replace it with ice cream. Why would you even think about filling a cookie sandwich with frosting or whatever when there is ice cream? Lactose intolerance is the only acceptable answer. 
 
The same logic applies to the fancy French macaron. Make your macarons, fill them with ice cream instead of some other lame filling, thank me later.
 
5. Ice Cream Puff (cream puff + ice cream)
 
The logic is the same as above. Ice cream is better than the cream in the cream puff, but the puff part can stay.
I can feel my mother shaking her head, but guess what mom? I’m better at food than you are. That may be hard to hear, but you know it’s true. You like flaxseed oil too much to be an authority on dessert. 
 
I love you, though.
 
6. Everything Foster (all desserts + fire)
 
Just set everything on fire. The birthday cake is ALMOST THERE. 
 
But really, why don’t we drench things in alcohol and set them on fire more often? 
 
I can’t think of a good reason (I’m sure you guys will think of a lot of practical reasons).
 
7. Pancon Cakes (bacon + pancakes)
 
Let’s talk about some breakfast hybrids. I love bacon with my pancakes and (real) maple syrup, but sometimes it’s tedious to get everything in one bite. What should you do? Should you take a bite of pancake and then a bite of bacon? Should you try and put them on the same fork? 
 
No.
 
You should just cook strips of bacon and once they are done pour pancake batter on top of them, encasing the bacon in pancake. Then you have pancake strips with crispy bacon inside, which you can dip into syrup.
 
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Bonus points if it's candied bacon.

 
My darling bibbles, that is all I can think of right now. But I think I’ve got a pretty good list going. I came up with most of these in the shower, for Christ’s sake.
 
What hybrids have you dreamed up? Are you tired of hybrids? Are you tired of me making hybrids?
 
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This idiot.

 
Are you tired of my damn face?
 
Tweet me all of the answers to these questions @clairelizzie
 

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