Would I have to start planning outfits around the tattoo like I plan for weather?
You may have read last week about the guy from New York who solely survives on pizza. All day, everyday. Pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And he doesn't mess about, either. "I've been eating pizza exclusively every day of my life for the past 25 years, and I'm not just talking about a slice of pizza every day." Dan Janssen told Vice's Justin Levy.
"I usually eat an entire 14" pizza, and I only eat cheese pizza. I never get sick of it. If I go to one pizza shop or another brand, it's like eating a completely different meal."
Only ever cheese pizza! Not even pepperoni, or a Garden Party. I was kind of with him until the only ever cheese bit. Jokes. Much as I love pizza, every time I have it I feel like a greaseball and I hate myself for about three days after. I love pizza, I do, but it has to be a special treat, or my self-loathing levels fly through the roof. This is my cross to bear, guys.
There's also the small factor of all the lactose, which my body isn't really into, so not only do I end up feeling unhealthy in my brain, but I end up actually ill, too. YAY PIZZA!
It's pretty obvious Dan has some pretty serious issues with food -- he talks about an incident as a child where he was poisoned by some mushrooms, which could have been a trigger for his obsession with only eating one food -- and he talks of seeing a therapist to try and work through these issues. I hope Dan manages to incorporate some other foods into his diet, if only for his fiancée, who must get really bored of always going to pizza places when they go out to eat. IMAGINE.
Dan did say, though, that he never wants "to give up my love and passion for pizza." Even if he works through his food aversion, he still wants to eat pizza. Fair enough. The guy loves the stuff. Who am I to judge.
We xoEditors were talking about this the other day (for this is what we do) and we were discussing whether we'd be able to eat one food every day for 25 years. That's a really long time. Nearly my whole life. Is there one food I have eaten every day? I don't think so. Is there a food I could eat every day?
I think I'd have to go with avocados, because they are the shit, or maybe I'd copy Baze and opt for "baguettes with really delicious butter or cheese." Obviously I'd make myself ill, but cheese is cheese. Daisy would go for cheese, too.
Louise said she could eat oysters every day for 25 years which to me screams "That's a lot of opportunity for food poisoning," but then Louise is obviously much braver than I. I don't live on the edge when it comes to extreme seafood consumption. Baguettes are much safer.
Jane actually reckons she could "probably do the pizza thing," so I think we should all challenge her to the task.
Following the "food in the news" theme, photographer Henry Hargreaves was in the press recently with his photo series "No Seconds," where he recreated and photographed the last meals chosen by death row inmates. Bleak, but interesting. He said his main goal was "to have the viewer identify with the prisoner though their meal request. I wanted the viewer to think of them as a person for a moment instead of them being anonymous."
I'm going to choose not to go into the bigger debate about the death penalty, and instead use this as a springboard to talk about food, because I am tasteless and tacky!
A "fun" game I like to play is "Death Row Menu." This is where you choose a starter, main course and dessert as if you were on Death Row (stay with me) and it was going to be the last meal you ever ate. PRESSURE! Lobster, steak and fried chicken were popular choices among the subjects Hargreaves chose to represent. I'm feeling that. If I were about to shuffle off this mortal coil, I think I'd have to incorporate some lobster in there.
Here for your enjoyment, are the Death Row Meal choices of your xoEditors:
- Starter: Salami and prosciutto and basically any cured meat, with some hard, crusty bread.
- Main: Hot wings. As spicy as possible. I'm about to die anyway, I might as well ease myself into it by not being able to feel my face.
- Dessert: Stale gummy worms. Drink: A decent red wine, anything but merlot. Followed by an expensive vodka martini that's just a teeny weeny bit dirty. And a big glass of water because my meal was really salty and I will be parched. I want to make my entrance into hell being hydrated, at least.
- Starter: Just an entire loaf of rosemary bread
- Meal: Macaroni and cheese (sorry cows, but it's THE LAST ONE I'LL GET) but also an el farolito burrito softly nestled in there
- Dessert: A huge hunk of fudge. I am a simple woman. Oh yeah and for a drink I want fancy champagne. HAPPY DEATH, ME
- Starter: This poppy seed cheese bread
- Main: A rare, bloody steak, some toro sashimi, a huge green salad (yes, really) and a side of my grandma's spaghetti
- Dessert - the dessert trifecta: cheesecake, brownie, creme brulee
- Starter: Tuna tartare with a big basket of tortilla chips, fresh pico de gallo and guacamole
- Main: Fish tacos, jalapeño and cheese tamale with a side of Yorkshire pudding and mashed potatoes with gravy and caramelized onions.
- Dessert: cheese plate with various cheeses including triple cream brie, baguette and different compotes, plus a mini creme brulee, scones and a salted caramel macaron with a cappuccino. And I don't know can I fit a Shake Shack mushroom burger in there too? Probably. I eat like Tarrare. And to drink I would want a bottle of champagne and a Mexican coke.
- Starter: (As many as they will give me) - Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits
- Main: Smorgasbord of dim sum foods, oysters on the half shell, fettuccine alfredo.
- Dessert: Cheese pizza from Village Pizzaria in LA. (I really don't have a sweet tooth)
- Beverage: Sonic Cherry Limeade
- Starter: Bone marrow with toast from Au Cheval in Chicago and the french onion soup and starter salad (with macadamia nut vin) from Bern's. Bread basket from Scarpetta.
- Main: The most perfectly cooked ribeye (rare) from wherever can cook a ribeye perfectly. Side of collard greens and truffled creamed corn (also from Bern's). Loaded baked potato.
- Dessert: Junior's Cheesecake with coffee. Shot of Frangelico in the coffee.
- Starter: Chicken liver pate on perfectly toasted baguette and arugula salad on the side
- Main: Coq au Vin w/ mushrooms, bacon, red wine, and herbs, over pasta. Can I please add a side of tacos to that also?
- Dessert: A collection of mini pies and cupcakes to include: lemon meringue pie, fruit tart, carrot cake cupcake and red velvet cupcake. Is that cheating? Probably but I don't care because I'm about to die.
- Starter: Toro tartare from Morimoto in Napa Valley
- Main: Spicy pork tacos from the Kogi taco truck in LA (they have crack in them I swear)
- Dessert: Bourban pecan whipped cream french toast!
- Starter: I'd start with the Mendo Bistro's crab cakes
- Main: I'd have this amazing wild mushroom pasta I had at Chez Panisse a few years ago
- Dessert: ...Followed by some of my dad's chocolate pudding. I've had more transcendent dessert experiences, but for a last meal I think I'd want that.
- Starter: I think I'd start with my Mum's Bubble & Squeak fried in loads and loads of Irish butter served with cold meat and pickles.
- Main: Then I'd have a whole lobster with garlic butter, all in the shell still so I could crack it all out. With thin french fries. And baked beans.
- Dessert: I think I'd eat shitloads of Ben & Jerry's The Vermonster ice-cream cos lactose intolerance would be the least of my worries.
So, what would you choose if you could pick a last ever meal? PICK WISELY. And is there one food you could eat every day for 25 years, like Dan Janssen? And as a side note, what is Mexican Coke? Educate me.
Natalie's on Twitter: @Natalie_KateM