Would I have to start planning outfits around the tattoo like I plan for weather?
I am ready to party with you! Photo by Mindy Tucker.
The Republican party of today seems to have a real problem with us gals -- particularly with our ladyflowers and the associated goings-on in the general vicinity of our nether regions.
I've been a pretty avid politics-watcher since I discovered the humor of Art Buchwald on my grandparents' bookshelf when I was 6, and I can't recall a time in my life when either party has been so gynecologically-obsessed.
This unprecedented vaginal focus among the folks on the Right leads me to believe that some of 'em missed their callings as OBGYNS. This is despite my suspicion that some of these guys couldn't locate a clitoris if it sat next to them at church on Sunday.
You know who didn't miss the sacred calling to vaginal ministry? The fine folks at Planned Parenthood, that funky, badass, perpetually-under-siege confederation of women's health affiliates that provides affordable healthcare to millions of women around the country.
When I was in my early twenties, my local Planned Parenthood health center in Asheville, NC, saved my butt from a potential unplanned pregnancy. A couple years later, the wonderful escorts at the Margaret Sanger Center in Manhattan saved me from a furious male protester who screamed "MURRRRDERER!" at me at approximately 8 a.m. on a Sunday morning.
And a few years after that, I worked at the big grand umbrella group, Planned Parenthood Federation of America, for about three seconds before leaving to host a sex talk show on Sirius XM's Cosmo Radio channel.
This is all just to say: me and Planned Parenthood, we've got a history together. I'm pretty pro-everything about them, and it isn't just because my dealings with their health centers have had a positive effect on my life. Here's some info about what Planned Parenthood does in New York City:
1. Planned Parenthood of New York City is the leading reproductive health care provider for New York City. That's a lot of vaginas! And uteri, and bosoms, and ovaries, and the such.
2. Planned Parenthood of New York City has offered basic, affordable (low-cost or even free!) basic healthcare for over 90 years.
3. PPNYC serves almost 50,000 New Yorkers per year.
4. It's not just ladies! They have services for men, too!
5. They offer birth control, STD tests, cervical cancer screenings, breast cancer screenings, and educational outreach to teens and parents in New York.
Last year, Planned Parenthood NYC asked me to host their annual Roe on the Rocks benefit show. I agreed even though the name instantly made me picture caviar on ice (puns! I got 'em!) I guess it went pretty well, because they invited me back to do it again. And now I'm inviting you! Here are the deets:When: Monday, April 16 at 8 p.m.Where: Highline Ballroom, 431 West 16th St. (I also hosted the Fleshbot Awards there! Whoa!)What: The 5th Annual Roe on the Rocks Benefit for Planned Parenthood NYC
I know not all of you live in the Greater New York metropolitan area. I am still inviting you! Haven't you always wanted to see springtime in New York? Is there any better reason to take a trip to the Big Apple than supporting women's rights?
You could stay in one of our many fine and unreasonably-priced hotels, or perhaps crash with one of your generous New York City friends, or even stay at a cheaper hotel across the water in Jersey and just take the PATH train over for the shindig! These are the things I can promise will most likely happen at this fun event:
1. Asobi Seksu will rock it out. Hard.
3. You will drink alcohol, if you so choose.
4. I also will drink alcohol. Last year I drank a bunch of Maker's Mark in the green room shower (the shower was not on).
5. I will make jokes.
6. You will laugh, probably! If only because you feel sorry for me, but possibly because I will be actually funny.
7. You will make new friends who share your support for women's rights. New friends are fun!
8. We will hang out! You can come over and say, "Hey, Sara, I'm an XOJaner" and I'll be all, "Holy shit! Buds! Want to drink with me in the green room shower?"
And then security will go, "Sorry, ma'am, you can't bring 100 awesome chicks backstage with you, that's just weird" and I'll be like, "Pleeeeease?" and then security will go, "Seriously, no. And please stop drinking Maker's in the shower. It's just weird."
And then I'll go, "Okay, sorry, XOJaner friend, we'll just have to hang out and be besties here in front of the stage where the music is."
You can get tickets here. They're $25 in advance and $30 at the door. If you wanna get fancy, you can drop $75 and get a private table and a champagne toast! Oh, and also there is a meet and greet with me and I think some of the bands, and you get a free gift bag! If I were you, I'd go to this link and buy a fancy VIP ticket right this second!