The Time I Brushed My Teeth With the Cat Litter Toothbrush, or When Is the Last Time You Grossed Yourself Out?

Just ANOTHER open thread about the dumb things I do.
Publish date:
March 14, 2016
open thread, clumsiness, gross stuff, cat lady, cat butts, toothbrushes

I am clumsy.

Moments before sitting down to write this post, I spilled a glass of wine (it's after six here in Hong Kong... I'm not a farmer) all over my desk. Okay fine, I'm lying. It was a mug of wine. I don't own any wine glasses.

This past week my clumsiness has been in full force. Whenever I enter my tiny bathroom I tense up, because I've yet to do anything in there as of late that doesn't result in me knocking shit over. (Now you're thinking, "What the hell is Louise doing in her bathroom?")

The most significant casualty was my toothbrush. Er, toothbrushes. While wildly washing my face one night, I knocked the first one into my cat's litter box. Splotch. Right into a cat turd. (We live in a shoebox apartment, cats and humans all poop in the same place.)

So I threw away that toothbrush.

The next day, with a shiny new toothbrush in its cup on my sink, I was plucking the one rogue hair that likes to sprout on my chin, when I knocked the new toothbrush into the litter box too. Thumpf. It landed on a clump of... clean, pristine litter. That's what I tell myself.

My husband yelled that we should have left ten minutes ago to meet my aunt for lunch, so not thinking, I grabbed the toothbrush out of the litter box and tossed it into the sink.

Then I forgot about it.

At some point after we got home, my husband must have put the cat litter toothbrush back in its cup. Because he's "helpful."

And there it sat. Taunting me. Until it was time to brush my teeth that night...

I brushed my teeth with the cat litter toothbrush.

I was sitting on the couch when I realized what happened, and released an "Auuuugh" much akin to the sound Charlie Brown makes when Lucy yanks the football away from him. No amount of vodka, toothpaste, or mouthwash could eliminate the taste of "phantom cat pee" in my mouth.

And today I nearly ate a rogue piece of pelleted cat litter that I thought was a Cheerio. Because I'm gross.

Drops mic.

What's the last thing you did that totally grossed you out? What have you accidentally done to yourself that made you want to hurl? Have you ever accidentally eaten cat litter?