A 1980 Horror Film Made Me Nostalgic For SUPER! CANDY! LIPSTICK!

My closest friends know I'm the QUEEN of non sequiturs. Watch me connect Tom Hanks to misogynistic serial murder, feminism and candy lipstick.

Sep 23, 2011 at 10:00am | Leave a comment

Sometimes you see a horror movie from 1980 listed in the On Demand section of your cable that features your Bosom Buddy, Tom Hanks. Who the whaaaaaaaa?

 “He Knows You’re Alone” somehow escaped me as a premium-and-basic-cable-addicted kid, but in a month packed with weddings to attend every single weekend, I was inappropriately and morbidly tickled by plot of nearlywed brides getting snuffed by a homicidal maniac.

Joking! I’m still befuddled by the 12-year-old girl who inexplicably lives with two college girls, but who needs explanations? And at least nothing horrific happened to her. Or I blocked it out.

I did have a weird epiphany about Tom Hanks’ that blew my own mind; his whole acting technique revolves around playing the guy who intentionally drops letters off of words to be charming. “I was talkin’ to ya.” “I like dancin’ and eatin'.”

Anyway, the awesomest part was when our leading young-bride-to-be walks into a hella authentic late 70s ice-cream parlor and what do I spy on the counter that makes me so excited I have to pause, rewind, freeze and take iPhone photos?

 

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Why, a SUPER CANDY LIPSTICK display, that’s what!

 

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You know, I’m a bit of a kook. That’s part of how I got cast on this reality show. But I became psychotically giddy over that stupid candy lipstick. I was transported back to every dirty germ-filled plastic candy bin of my youth. Googling happened, as it does, and I found myself more than a little outraged at the resulting images for my search of “SUPER CANDY LIPSTICK.”

 

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SUPER CANDY LIPSTICK? She’s been replaced. By Super MODEL Lipstick Candy. Are you kidding me? Super MODEL? WHY? Do you have to be a SUPERMODEL to run cocktail weenie-shaped-and-sized SweeTart (yeah, I had to check that spelling) over your lips? Actually, the SuperMODEL lipstick Candy is like the Blu-Ray to SUPER CANDY LIPSTICK’S Super-8 home movie. It’s all shiny and slick and high fashion. It lives a life you can never obtain, with your chalky suppository of a fake make-up item.

 

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So my brain went on like this for a while and I started thinking about how candy lipstick is kind of awesomely feminist. It’s like a satire of make-up that you are free to reclaim, or you can bite it half, destroy it, CONSUME it. Eat your symbolic oppressive/reclaimed make-up!

 *Look, you can see the HE that KNOWS YOU'RE ALONE in the background:

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Mainly, candy lipstick is just neat and fun and a source of some simpler-days nostalgia for me. I love that the quickest glimpse of something in a movie I was barely paying attention to (sorry Tom Hanks. I’m apologizin’ to ya) can make me remember what’s it’s like to treasure the tiniest insignificant things.

InsignifiCAN this insignifiCANT! Have a SUPER CANDY LIPSTICK PARTY:

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Oooo, "The Original" looks a lot like my Super Candy Lipstick

 

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Fine. OF COURSE you would want the SUPERMODEL Lipstick Candy

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I love the chewy lipstick destruction implied by TAFFY candy lipstick

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WHOA, this may be the jam!

Don't get me started on my love/hate with candy cigarettes. Or do!