Would I have to start planning outfits around the tattoo like I plan for weather?
Apologies for being quiet for so long. I've been busy doing really important life-changing stuff, like building schools in impoverished countries and running marathons. Or, if you've seen anything I've posted on Instagram you'll know this is a massive lie and actually I've been working at a new job and going on holiday a lot.
But I'm back now from my latest trip which was a wedding in the South of France, and yes, it was as amazing as it sounds. It was totally beautiful and only two windows got smashed, only one couple were found fornicating in the grounds of the chateaux and only one bloke spent a couple of hours with his cock and balls on full display because he was so blind drunk. I LOVE WEDDINGS.
Other things I've been doing this month include:
- Flogging all my old stuff on eBay, this totally cool site where you can sell things to people!!
- Making bad omelettes
- Finding out the hard way that dairy free fudge is as sad and joyless as it sounds
- Having an IV iron infusion (bad for the first day, felt great after -- would recommend)
- Riding my new bike around
- Going to see "22 Jump Street" with my Dad (laughed a lot, now obsessed with Channing Tatum's neck)
- Dyeing my hair pink
And this leads me on nicely to the main course of this article, the bit where I tell you some stuff I've bought recently that's really good and I implore and enable you to go and buy some too. Because if there's one thing I know, it's buying loads of stuff. I have two talents in life. Popping my shoulder out of its socket on demand when I'm drunk, and quickly and efficiently ensuring that only a small percentage of my monthly wage actually stays in my bank account.
THINGS I BOUGHT RECENTLY THAT ARE GOOD THINGS
PINK HAIR DYE
Yes I know I am so late to this pastel hair party but whatever, I have no shame in this. There must still be a tiny amount of people out there who haven't yet experimented with hair colour, so if this is you, then HURRAY! Bleach London are this uber cool London salon who turn human beings into unicorns with their pastel hairskillz.
I've been really bored of my hair for a while now and I keep threatening to cut it all off but my boyfriend says he likes it "long like a dog," and who could deny such romantic words? Plus we all know that I bow entirely to the patriarchy and if a man tells me he likes my hair long, then who am I to argue? I JEST.
So instead of cutting it all off, I dyed it pink. And I loved it! I used the Bleach London Super Cool Colour in "Rose."
The good/bad thing about this dye is that it faded really quickly. Which is good if you just want to flirt with a head of candyfloss, but bad if you really like it and want it to be a little more permanent. It says it fades in 2 -10 washes, mine completely washed out in 3. Probably buy it.
A NEW BIKE
I got a new bike!!!!!!! There are not enough exclamation points in the world to accurately represent my excitement.
Because I now work in the same city that I live in, the marvellous Brighton, I can cycle to work which will NEVER GET OLD EVER.
No more trains. No more buses. Just me and my lovely shiny blue disco bike, whizzing along at full pelt on my own terms. After shitloads of research I decided to go for the Bobbin Bramble, which is not only GORGEOUS but actually quite practical as it has one of those back rack thingies and it's light. So yeah, buy one. Bikes for life!
A SUMMER PERFUME
You'll know by now that I fully love perfume. One of my favourite books is "Perfumes - The A - Z Guide," which I once again insist that you go and buy. It will change the way you smell different scents forever. It'll also leave you totally able to judge people you've never met for wearing something that Luca Turin gives a 1 star review to.
But yeah, scent is subjective yadda yadda, and I don't even care what they say about my new favourite scent (because he and Tania Sanchez haven't reviewed it yet. If it gets a 1 star, it's going straight in the bin obviously) which is Issey Miyake's Pleats Please.
Pleats Please is a white floral (no surprises that I picked it, then) with peony and sweet pea, but dries down to a nice white musk. It's lovely and fresh for summer, and wasps don't seem to like it as much as my usual summer choices, so that's a bonus.
Buy it, it's nice.
A NEW BRONZER
When it's summer I dedicate at least 75% of my week to trying to get in the sun as much as humanly possible. When I cycle to work I basically do so naked so as to increase the chances of getting a nice tan. I waltz around in sleeveless numbers, my legs never get covered with trousers and I spend my entire lunchbreak with my face pointed toward the sun, wherever it may be.
Of course I do all of this wearing a sunscreen etc etc. Safety first, guys!
When I get a tan, I retire my trusty blusher and go full throttle with the bronzer. This summer I've decided to go for a new one and picked up the Too Faced Beach Bunny bronzer, which has four complementary shades that you buff together that give you a lush, sunkissed glow (sorry that's such lazy beauty speak. Must try harder. I'm out of practice.)
I've just checked on Sephora that you can get it in the US, or this would be null and void, and you can -- but it's called "Sun Bunny." So go and buy that one. GO.
A NEW WASHING MACHINE
I won't bore you with this one but seriously, I love buying white goods.
So that's a nice little roundup of good things I've done and found lately. What have you bought that you feel you ought to share with the world? What have you been up to? Anything nice? Do you love your bike? I got a really cool helmet too that's pink with leopard print all over it. It's bloody great. Almost as good as my washing machine.
Natalie's on Twitter: @Natalie_KateM