Would I have to start planning outfits around the tattoo like I plan for weather?
If you've ever read Allie Brosh's brilliant Hyperbole and a Half, and her comics about depression, you'll know that in "Part Two," it's a piece of corn that snaps her into a fit of laughter during a particularly low point in her life. A piece of shriveled corn stuck under her fridge. She can't explain why that sad little piece of corn makes her laugh, but it does.
To quote Allie: "That piece of corn is the funniest thing I have ever seen, and I cannot explain to anyone why it's funny. I don't even know why. If someone ever asks me 'what was the exact moment where things started to feel slightly less shitty?' instead of telling a nice, heartwarming story about the support of the people who loved and believed in me, I'm going to have to tell them about the piece of corn."
And that is how I feel about a lot of the dumb things that make me happy. Certain idiotic things will cause me to cackle like a hyena in the middle of the night, tears streaming down my face. And when I try to share those things with other people, the response isn't always the same as mine. We've all sat in front of a computer screen with a friend, watching them while they watch a YouTube video we've exposed them to, waiting for them to laugh. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. But I think it's important that we have those things we can turn to on our own for a chuckle. The silly things that bring us a little bit of inexplicable joy on days when everything feels bleak.
That's why I'm sharing five of my own dumb laughter-inducers. Maybe they'll work for you, maybe they won't. If they make you laugh, awesome! If they don't, I'm sorry. Either way, I would like you to share your own go-to cackle-makers. Then maybe we'll have a comments page full of stupidly hilarious things that we can all bookmark and refer back to on a crummy day. Wouldn't that be nice?
Let's get to it.
1. The Oldbooth App
Back in the Summer of 2012, I wasn't feeling great. I was living in an awful apartment, I was struggling with school, and I just felt generally alone and crappy. I upgraded my phone to an iPhone that July, and then proceeded to spend most of my alone time downloading apps and games to amuse myself with.
One such app was Oldbooth, a photo app that allows you to insert your own face into various old portrait and yearbook photos. Sure, it's funny to see what you'd look like with a mullet, but I also soon discovered that it is endlessly entertaining to make the stupidest face possible and then place it inside of what could have been an otherwise proper-looking 1920s glamour shot.
Eventually I found myself spending my nights sitting alone eating dinner and taking ridiculous selfies between bites, laughing hysterically at my moronic creations. It's been two years now and I still have the app on my phone. Making dumb faces never gets old, and I will always go back to Oldbooth to give me a laugh.
2. "Seal Yells And Sighs Like A Man"
Ah, the greatest 13 seconds to have a home on YouTube. There's not much to say about this. First, the seal yells. Then he sighs. All the while, just like a man. I've been known to watch this over and over and over again.
In a similar vein, here's a camel being tickled. Yes, camels laugh. I've also heard that rats laugh while being tickled. I can only imagine how cute a rat's giggle would sound.
3. MiO Sport "Eye Of The Squirter" Commercial
Ok, right away I just want to fly by the fact that this commercial has been titled, BY THE COMPANY THAT MADE IT, "Eye Of The Squirter." Let's just...not discuss that and move on. We good? Good. So, I don't know if this commercial airs in the U.S., but it airs here in Canada, and it delights me every time I see it. I mean, it's pretty silly. It's a guy saying the word "squirt" over and over again to the tune of "Eye Of The Tiger." I have the sense of humour of a 15-year-old boy, OK.
Which brings me to...
4. "Step Brothers"
Possibly the greatest movie of the last 10 years (yes, seriously), "Step Brothers" is what I put on when I need the comforting hug that only a movie about two idiotic grown men fighting about being step brothers can provide. There have been times when my sister and I will carry on texting conversations composed only of "Step Brothers" quotes, and these conversations can go on for hours. It is a truly beautiful movie, and anyone who refuses to watch it with me is no friend of mine. If you think you're "too good" for "Step Brothers", you probably haven't seen it.
See also: John C. Reilly's absolutely perfect alter ego, Dr. Steve Brule. Check it out. For your health!
5. This song about eggs
Now it's your turn.