Would I have to start planning outfits around the tattoo like I plan for weather?
We've had a rough couple weeks, haven’t we? Things are... not great, and looking at the news (or even Twitter) can feel pretty bleak. I have no doubt that you all, like me, have been giving of your time and/or money to causes you support in light of the election news, and that we're all looking for ways to make the world a better place in any way we can.
But if you need a little escapism, I don't blame you. That's why I, as xoVain’s resident Glam Girl, pulled together a little wishful thinking holiday list of all the over-the-top, 100% fancy gifts I'd ask for if I had a wealthy benefactor of my very own, or the luxury gifts I'd splurge on to satisfy the '30s silver screen goddess in my heart who's crowing for more glamour every day. You know what I mean — theses are the luxe, extravagant, ridiculous things that nobody needs but everybody secretly wants.
A super glam perfume
I'm kind of obsessed with the ‘80s Dynasty vibes of the By Kilian fragrance line. They’re sooo Joan Collins, aren't they? To really play up the whole "rich bitch" thing, By Kilian has paired a few of its sexier scents with their own clutches. I'd choose the intense floral Good Girl Gone Bad ($260). Spray it and get down with the Alexis Carrington inside you.
A home for all your trinkets
You need a beautiful home for all those fancy trinkets. They deserve something as beautiful as these classic Russian malachite boxes, which will look right at home on a vanity or your dresser, even if it's from Target. Everything looks better in a malachite box, including your tampons, condoms or sage sticks. Really, the sky's the limit here. Instant upgrade.
About five years ago, when working at a high-end local boutique, I placed a wholesale order for 15 pairs of classic black lace Hanky Panky thongs. I'm still wearing them today, and they look as good as the day I bought them. (Please don't chalk that up to my laundry skills, because they just get tossed in with the rest of my stuff in a communal washer.) I guess that's the definition of an "investment piece," right? If you're a thong person, trust me — Hanky Panky makes the best ones. This set will change your life.
A cool girl bag
Of course you can ask your sugar daddy for a Louis Vuitton or a Celine bag, but if you want something a bit less flashy, opt for KARA's cute matte/faux-croc Nano Tie bag. (OK, I'm biased because I share a name with this handbag company, but they're legit cool.) No one else at the holiday party will have the same bag ($484) as you!
A moto jacket to match
A badass leather moto jacket in a relaxed, "boyfriend" silhouette ($376) is a little cooler than a tight one and you can layer thicker sweaters under it when it gets cold AF outside.
Drown your sorrows
You know, I can't always tell the difference between "fancy" booze and the $20 kind I usually buy (like Tito's vodka, which is A-OK in my book), but something tells me a $1,200 bottle of tequila might change my mind. Casa Noble Tequila's Alta Belleza is aged three years in French White Oak and then rests in a French White Oak barrel previously used to age To Kalon Cab Sauvignon... all that means to you is that it gives this Extra Anejo tequila a pretty coppery color and a burst of intense wine-y flavor. I'm cool with that. (Says the writer who drinks boxed wine.)
Speaking of wine…
Move over, Bartles & Jaymes. There's a new wine cooler in town. If vino is more your speed, add the Plum wine server to your list. It's a cute, modern-looking little appliance that preserves your wine for up to 90 days and keeps it at the exact temperature all those fancy sommeliers talk about. It has TWO serving chambers, so you can keep a white and a red on hand for meals or guests or long nights marathoning The Crown. It's technically not available yet (but pre-orders ship Spring 2017), so if you don't have a sugar daddy, at least you can start saving up for this one?
Move over, Roomba. There's a new cult vacuum in town. The Dyson 360 Eye robot vac is basically the sugar daddy of home cleaning appliances. Somebody’s gotta clean up all that post-party confetti.
Give your drugstore lipsticks a break over the holidays with four of Tom Ford's signature lippies ($212). They’re Old Hollywood glam in a tube, and everyone will be really jealous when you whip one out of your clutch.
The Chanel of the early '90s was total jewelry goals, proven by this huge flashy gold-tone necklace made up of their iconic double C logo, a bargain at only $795.
A priceless photograph
If beauty products and booze aren't your thing, how about art? This Slim Aarons photograph ($2,100) of John F. Kennedy in Jamaica is perfect for dreaming of the days before a screaming Cheeto took office.
My icon, Marilyn, said it best. Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Or at least they are when they're cool and kinda punk rock, like these curved cascade 18-karat white gold diamond stunners by Anita Ko. $5,100. They toe the line between sophisticated and unexpected.
Remember when I was talking about the '30s movie star inside of all of us? This is her favorite outfit! Can you imagine answering the door to accept an Amazon Prime package in this $2,205 silk and lace kimono? I feel like Kim Kardashian probably does this on the regular.
I love all of Fendi’s cute and cheeky "Monster" accessories, but if you don't do fur, this pair of slip ons ($650) will satisfy your craving to get in on the cartoon trend.
Laundry detergent for your penthouse
You can't wash all these beautiful things with Tide, now can you? Treat them to the utmost care with Le Labo’s divine Rose 31 signature detergent, $45. Rose 31 isn't too feminine and powdery like a traditional rose, but leans a bit masculine with woodsy notes. Even your ex-boyfriend's boxer shorts will feel like the finest satin when you wash them in this stuff.
What are your dream luxury splurges? What would you add to an OTT holiday wishlist?