Would I have to start planning outfits around the tattoo like I plan for weather?
Oreo is really going hard these days; I can barely keep up. I was literally editing the photos for this very article when my social media started blowing up with all of this Key Lime nonsense. I mean, it makes sense. They already made the graham-flavored cookie for the S'moreos, they might as well come up with as many appropriate creme flavors as possible.
But we're not here to talk about Key Lime, we're here to talk about Oreo Thins, Oreos that are exactly the same as the cookie you've always known and loved, but thinner. We'll get to my thoughts and feels in a moment, but first, a hot take from my husband:
What's the point of that? Like, what the fuck is this? "Thigh gap Oreos"?
"Thigh gap Oreos." Poetry. The man makes a valid point but, in Oreo's defense, this is not about about dieting or calorie counting. No, no, this is about being sleek and elegant and mature. To quote the press release :
OREO Thins are for anyone looking for that classic OREO taste but in a format that delivers a more grown-up snacking experience thanks to their thin, crisp and delicate taste and texture.
Now I know what you're thinking: "If I want a grown-up snack, I'll eat a pot brownie or pour bourbon on my frosted flakes!' That was my initial reaction as well, my friends, but I'll admit that there is something alluring about a sleek and slender item; I like my iPhone much more since it got longer and leaner. Let's see if this strategy works for America's Favorite Cookie.
First of all, let's talk PR packaging. What we have here is a huge upgrade from the piece of rope they sent with the s'moreos. This box is beautiful and sturdy and I plan to keep it forever to store receipts or rocks or maybe condiment packets.
Inside, there was a nice little note that basically called me an important and influential person. This review is off to a great start!
If you can't read that, it doesn't matter much; the important part is the first four words. Anyway, once I was sufficiently flattered by generic copy that was sent to hundreds of people, I opened my first package to find this:
This is my first issue with Oreo Thins: They are too damn fragile. Now, I realize that these were shipped (very quickly) over 3,000 miles to my doorstep and that travel takes its toll on us all, but I've had lots of Oreos shipped over 3,000 miles to my doorstep and none have ever arrived in such a state.
However, milk is a different story; they seem unfazed by it. I dipped one down in a delicious dairy beverage for my usual amount of time (ten seconds) and am pleased to report that it did not disintegrate! It held its shape just as well as those fat, clunky Oreos.
Let's talk flavors.
The "original" flavored Oreo Thin tastes exactly like a Oreo Fats, except there is less of it. The texture is slightly crisper, if you squint your teeth, but I'm not sure this claim would hold up to scientific testing. (Did you know that there are instruments that measure crispness? Can I get a grant for one? Think of all I could accomplish!)
The amount of creme is proportionate to the amount of cookie meaning, once again, there's just less of it. It's not bad. It's great! It's an Oreo. I like it so much, I wish there were more of it.
I consider the Golden version of Oreo Thins to be a big improvement over the Golden Oreo Fats. I don't like Golden Oreos, so less is actually more where they are concerned.
Okay. These are an actual triumph. I've always found the mint creme in Oreo Fats to be a little much, but this barely-there layer of minty creme is the perfect amount. Maybe it's because I've been conditioned to prefer my mint cookies thin, but I had a hard time putting this package down. I would spend my actual money on these.
Details, details, details
Unlike all the crazy, seasonal flavors, these things will be "a permanent, ongoing offering, available nationwide beginning Monday, July 13 in the Original, Golden and Mint flavors at an SRP of $4.59."
Also, if you want to be cool like me and eat Oreo Thins before all of your friends, either come over to my house or follow Oreo on Instagram and Twitter to obtain a one-time-only code to enter on OREOThinvitation.com for a chance to receive a free taste.
What do you all think of Oreo Thins? Can we just agree that Goldens suck? Where do you stand in the whole chocolate-mint combination discussion?