Would I have to start planning outfits around the tattoo like I plan for weather?
I was in the Red Square in Moscow a few years back with a tall, dark, handsome Indian man buying Russian nesting dolls as souvenirs for my friends and family back in the States.
Out of nowhere, a thick Russian accentin the distance (not too far from the Kremlin) yelled, "Oprah! OPRAH! Oprah's here!!!!!!"
I'm not sure who was more excited -- them or me. I immediately dropped to my knees and began digging through my Damier tote to find my camera; Toots (a.k.a. my maternal grandmother) would have flipped her shit if she knew I was in close proximity to the then-Queen of daytime TV and didn't bother snapping a photo.
The cries for Lady Harpo started getting closer -- too close in fact. "Oprah! Oprah! OPRAH!" I stood up and looked around to see a veritable mob running in my direction; obviously she was closer to me than I originally thought. I was going to get a clear face shot of Oprah. And we're both Black and American -- maybe she'd even take a photo with me!!!
The next thing I remember is being woken up with gentle slaps to the face by my guy friend. He grabbed my bag and pulled me off of the ground, then we ran like all hell.
We didn't stop until we got back to the Ritz (where each and every room has a 24K gold bidet), and when we caught our breath he told me that they'd thought that I was Oprah, and he was Stedman. They straight the fuck up clotheslined me and knocked him down, thinking that they'd caught a glimpse of the billionaire couple. My head was a little sore, but I managed to formulate two thoughts:
1) Do I really look that much like Oprah?
2) Are there that few Black people traveling to Moscow that they think all Black women are Oprah?
Whenever I tell this story, most people have a hearty chuckle before telling me that I look nothing like her. I agree; the only thing that's remotely similar about us is our complexion. If anything, in my opinion, I look more like Alexandra Burke. (And I vote Tika Sumpter to play me in a movie.)
Your turn -- which celebrity do you look like? And to make it even more interesting, who would you like to play you in a feature film?
Come kick it with the kid over on Twitter: @IndiaJewelJax.