Obnoxiously Objectifying Thursdays (Albeit a Little Late) XXI: Paul Hollywood

Bringing the NEED back into KNEADING

Ok, so Paul Hollywood is totally my jam right now. Following a series of watching him and his big manly hands deftly knead piles of lucky, lucky dough and having sparkling banter with everyone’s favourite bobbed Grandma Mary Berry on the Great British Bake Off, I shrugged off the apathy towards him that I’d built over Series 1 and 2 and instead, as the weeks went by the beginnings of a crush formed.

A little older than most on my Official Celebrity Shag List – although a whole THREE YEARS younger than Johnny Depp at the age of 45 – Paul is a strong contender for the crown currently held by Tom Hardy. I like my men able to bake (see also, James Martin) and baking is Paul’s THANG! The man can whip an eight strand plaited loaf out of a pile of flour and eggs and shit before I’ve even worked out how I would even start to section it up. This is the man who in 2008, created the World’s Most Expensive Bread. Like, seriously. I am all over this.

In addition to his skills in the kitchen, he has the most dazzling blue eyes that I would happily gaze into forever. The silver fox chooses to gel his hair into the style mostly adopted by teenage boys, but somehow, it works. He’s got really nice, big forearms that he often treats the viewer to a show off by rolling up his shirts and BE STILL MY BEATING HEART, he gives the best goatee action I’ve seen since Beppe Di Marco.

Much as I’d obviously like to climb him like a tree, I am happy to note that Paul is what the Daily Mail like to call a ‘family man’, having been spliced for 14 years to the très attractive Alexandra. Alexandra, I hope you know how lucky you are.

Do you agree? Is Paul a big chunk of man-bread you’d like to butter? Am I wrong in the head? Do you also agree that James Martin is a heavenly specimen? Should I go for a cold shower?

Natalie’s incessantly tweeting Paul over on Twitter @Natalie_KateM

Picture Credit: Rex Features