Notes From the Assistant: Week 5

Sleep Deprived/Juicing Mania, I Got Me Some Numb Nuts, Jane's Next Venture (if I have anything to do with it).
Publish date:
October 15, 2011
Dancing With the Stars, steve jobs, iMac, Numb Nuts

From what you don't know (yet):

Starvation and sleep deprivation are not ideal conditions for learning/teaching new tricks for anyone: Many of you may (or may not) realize how proficient our Jane is when it comes to most things technologically speaking. Specifically, I have always been very impressed by how well she handles her iphone. It's a miniature production company/mobile office right in the palm of her hand. She makes movies, uploads pictures, she texts, she tweets, she certainly knows her way around the app store, she does a ton of conference calls and manages her calendar all from this tiny little gadget that even I get intimidated by now and then (Now if I could only get her to check her damn voice mails!)

Not that I have EVER been given reason to doubt her computer related prowess, but I have been witness to some heartbreaking emotional moments when these machines she relies on for the day's business fail her (this may be due in part to Jane's over-working the machines stemming from her insane workaholic tendencies, but what can you do?). When her iMac's health began to decline and it seemed like the end was near, it became my mission to make sure the Editor-In-Chief of, my lovely boss, had a computer worthy of her work and her title. (Not to mention the fact that everyone else in the office, myself included, were working on brand new Mac Books.)

As you have probably figured out, we are a Mac office (RIP Steve Jobs-personal hero) and I am a Mac addict because most Mac machines last sooooo long and are sooooo shiny and pretty. However, that rainbow colored wheel-o-death that twirls onto the screen when the machine is working slow (or in Jane's computer's case-flat lining) was making getting through even the simplest tasks of Jane's day to day frustrating at best. It was time for a new, beautiful, shiny, sexy, speedy, sturdy, handsome, reliable (I Love them) iMac desktop. I championed on behalf of Jane for weeks, this week I succeeded (thank you, IT!)! Hooray! All was well in Jane's technical world. UNTIL.....Outlook and emails were replacing the current emails this week, SHIT!

It's not that Outlook is bad, it really is better than what we have been using in terms of functionality in the office, so why was I so upset? Or really, scared? Here's why: Jane sends and receives HUNDREDS of emails a day. I see all of those missives, manage them, plus I obviously handle my own. It's hard, man! When you are accustomed to looking at your mail in a certain way for a long period of time the slightest upset in format can be jarring, let alone the calamity of changing the entire operating system. I was a wreck trying to figure out the best way to ease/coax Jane out of the familiar stopping ground of into the new unchartered territory that is emails and outlook. On Wednesday, not only did I have to introduce Jane to her new computer but also take her through this strange new email world she was going to inhabit whether she liked it or not. It was stressful, not because Jane stressed me out, at all. Rather my fear of not being successful in facilitating the switch. It always goes back to fear of failing for me.

Wednesday was slated as transition day, oh joy. Leading up to Wednesday I was torturing myself with a juice fast. It had been a while since I last did one and I completely forgot how absolutely crazy I get on those things. My moods were swinging all over the place. My energy was completely manic and unpredictable. I was not in the best place to teach or show anyone anything. To complicate things further, Jane informed me she had gotten only about three hours of sleep on Tuesday night. She worked all night (workaholics anonymous, please!) and was exhausted. I was giddy with manic joy (what is in those juices?) as I was shrieking the virtues of the new Lion OS for Jane's computer. Jane sort of collapsed into her chair, trying her best to rustle up some interest in the "very important" fountain of knowledge I was sharing with her. We weren't five minutes into my annoyingly energetic tutorial when I noticed Jane's eyes had begun to glaze over, her head was drifting toward her left shoulder as she almost fell asleep during my Mac/Outlook come to Jesus moment (slight exaggeration there, but you know what I'm saying, I was a spaz, she was comatose). Not enough Kombucha in the world was going to add pep. I, on the other hand, was in a juice infused mania. We were bi-polar opposites in that moment. I loved it! Such a striking contrast between the two of us, in her office that day. A very interesting contrast to have gone through, at least for me. I wonder if Jane noticed? Maybe none of this happened and I am simply in a blackout due to lack of solid food? (Note to self--no more cleanses.)

Numb Nuts: Yep, I am about to get em'. When I walked into the office Tuesday morning and got to my desk I was pleasantly surprised at what looked like a little product pressie from Julie. Upon closer inspection I realized it WAS a gift! A gift in the form of ball numbing cream. Apparently I will be going to get a manzillian wax next week, using this cream to desensitize myself beforehand and giving you a little show and tell during and afterward. Holy balls!


Jane Needs To Be On DWTS: There, I said it. You all now know I am obsessed. I have decided, with Cat's help, to channel my obsession's energy and try (obsessively) to get Jane on the next cycle. Help me make my dream for Jane a reality (and one jazz step closer to Mark Ballas every week).

From what you do already know:

I am only referencing back to one article this week. It's an important one. to me. This post, written by Jane, defines what these mad-talented, gorgeous, hilarious, crazy, wacky, genius writers and editors do day after day to make what it is. It sums up why I love being a part of it so much. Through the good the bad or otherwise.

Happy and Restful (Jane) weekend everyone! xoBryan