My New Favorite Tumblr for You to Love & Contribute to: HJTM

Hand Job Time Machine. If you had one, to whom would you give one? Inspired Sex genius, Heather Weil has a Tumblr full of ideas to get you started. (NSFW-ish photo inside.)
Publish date:
January 18, 2012
tumblr, celebs, awesome, crushes, time machines, M, Sex,

When I woke up this morning, I had no idea the day would get this good.

My co-editor Keara at my non-xoJane-related media job IM'd me almost first thing an insanely smoking hot pic of a young Richard Nixon. We discussed hitting it, I said I thought he was hot young or old, then I simply wrote "time machine, " as in "Let's jump in one & go double team Tricky Dick."

She was like, "OMG. Have you seen my friend Heather's Tumblr? It's about that exact subject. It's called Hand Job Time Machine."

It was as if my eyes opened for the first time and I finally found that place I belonged, after years of convincing myself it must not exist. I never have to be alone again, I have a Higher Power I call Hand Job Time Machine.

Keara noted the Tumblr was inspired by a photo of Bruce Springsteen with a bulge in his American blue jeans that a group of her friends had been obsessed with for years. I said I could relate since I recall being more than preoccupied at an embarrassingly early age by magazine images of Duran Duran's John Taylor with solid logs of lunch meat in his trou.

Whatever, humans are animals.

From HJTM:

What is HJTM? The handjob time machine is an invention. It is an invention to go back in time to bonedown with those crushes we all have that were never in our timeline. this photoblog is of my personal and friends’ hjtm dreams.

Here's what Heather, HJTM founder herself, added about the conception of this way-back bang wishlist:

I started HJTM one night in a pub, discussing with my friends old and dead celebrities that were hot in their prime. What if there was a time machine that existed to go back to a specific photo in a person's history? Who would you give a handjob to? Honestly, the lists people started to give me -- it was nuts. I don't update it as much as I use to, but maybe I'll get more suggestions after you write a blurb!

Yes! Yes! YES! Let's all send some more suggestions to And HJTM does not discriminate, gents and ladies are represented in these old handy-worthy photos. And if there's one thing I love along with my gents, it's ladies. And vicey versey.

Heather's enthusiasm is not lost on the likes of moi. This is my fave part of our communication:

Did Kedge show you the picture of freakzoid Brian May from Queen? Young Hemingway? A dingdang relevation! I've learned so much more about who I'd bone from HJTM submissions!

This is what it's all about to me (life, etc.): Learn about who you'd bone by removing the stifling constraints of your current Earthly timeline.

Questions for me go to Follow me on Twitter RachelMcPadden. Send those HJTM suggestions to Heather at Don't forget xoJane's Tumblr!