Why do I do a men's gift guide every year? Because I am, so they tell me, a man, so I should know, right?
One of the joys of having a toddler, and there actually are many, is the fact that my 3-year-old has lately taken to pantsing me around the house. At least, it was contained to around the house until yesterday, when we walked into the grocery store and he gave my skirt a good yank, leaving me standing in the crowded store with my skirt crumpled on the floor by my ankles.
It took me a a second to figure out what had happened, and another interminable-feeling second to get my kid of out of the way, pick up the twisted fabric, and figure out which was it went to get it back up. During the time, the other people in the store kindly averted their eyes.
Weirdly, this wasn't my most embarrassing moment. In my 20s, something like that would have destroyed me. As a matter of fact, something similar happened to me in high school, where I was jumping to wave at a friend and my skirt hit the ground. I basically died a thousand deaths. But this time I just kind of laughed it off and kept moving. I mean, we needed milk.
There have been plenty of other contenders for most embarrassing moment in my life. When we were taking sophomore choir yearbook photos, somebody must have grabbed my choir dress, leaving me with one that was too small to even zip up the back. When I complained, my choir director said we didn't have time and to make it work. So I had to trek across the school grounds to the auditorium where the pictures were being taken with a friend holding my dress shut in the back. As an adolescent, this was humiliating.
And then, there was the time I puked all over my then-boyfriend's dick while giving him oral sex directly after eating as a Chinese buffet. The worst part about that one was that he didn't really notice it happening and I had to actually utter the words '''I'M SORRY I THREW UP." That one still feels pretty embarrassing.
OK, now that I've bared my soul, what's your most embarrassing moment? Let's turn this post into one of those teen magazine horrifying moments section where we're all farting and getting our periods.