I Just Got Tattooed Drunk

Sorry Mom and potential future children!
Publish date:
August 9, 2011
tattoos, regret, being awesome

One of my very good friends just used a Groupon to get a tattoo removed. It was a small, cute little symbol on her hand that she had done when she was technically too young to legally enter the shop.The fact that there's a Groupon for this saddens me. Not because this many people have things they want lasered away, but because this many people have regrets. Not only do I have a goofy-ass impulse tattoo from when I was a teenager, but on the recent, 10th anniversary of getting said tattoo, I celebrated by getting another goofy-ass tattoo. If you think you're ashamed of your ink, wait three seconds.Ready? Here are the following cardinal sins I broke with my impulse's a Latin....from a movie.I know! Don't let me watch your kids. And yes, before you ask: No, I don't regret it and yes, I WAS drunk on rosé in Alphabet City. Look, I know I'm not the only person who has an (admittedly) very silly tattoo. First off, because I'm obsessed with that that "F Yeah Tattoos" Tumblr where people proudly display their Taylor Swift and "Hungry Games" (sp?) and Lady Gaga body art. Second, I KNOW how many other people have it. I dated a guy with a Scud tattoo (goodbye, Jewish cemetery!) and another guy with a "The Hours" chest piece (Yes! The Julianne Moore movie! I bone winners), and I have lots of hippie friends with like, an Umphreys McGee logo shotgunning weed smoke into the face of a peace frog. The generation before us may have been maligned for their Babelfish-translated Chinese letters and sprawling tramp stamps, but you can't tell me that you don't know a girl with some dumb-assed e.e. cummings line in Courier font or "namaste" on her shoulderblades.My old band-inspired tattoo is on my upper thigh (I know -- I was the world's coolest teen) and so the only people who ever saw it were those who were suddenly questioning their decision to have sex with me. Now, I'm getting, "Oh, shit, you're going to regret that" from strangers and friends alike. But you know what? It's like water off the back of an extremely badass duck. Did I wake up the next day and go, "OH, Julieanne." Yes. Yes, I did. BUT! I also look at this and think, "Towanda [my nickname for myself], that is the mosquito frozen in the amber of your youth." Without that mosquito, we would not be able to clone the dinosaurs of nostalgia that will eventually eat the Samuel L. Jackson of old age. Some day I'm going to look back on this as the day I was buzzed on hooch New York City with my best friend. Ha ha, I was such a spaz, wasn't I.

So yes. An impulse buy should usually be confined to a pair of those watermelon Umbros on eBay. But some of us have Umbro-equivalents on our bodies, forever and are cool with that. Will I not love my tattoo in 20 years? Feh. If I am around in 20 years I'm going to high-five myself for not falling into a zoo enclosure (sounds like something I would do, right?). I think you should do the same. Namaste.