Would I have to start planning outfits around the tattoo like I plan for weather?
YO. So I will be keeping this post short and snappy because no one is paying me for it, and also it is four in the morning hours before it's due to run and I am all burned out and eating fucking candy corn on a Chinatown bus straight to hell!
I have news! My memoir — you know, the one I got a contract for four years ago — is out very soon: JANUARY 31, 2017! I want all you bitches to book your AIR BNBs NOW, because I have invented a new verb; it is called BOOK PARTYING; everyone is invited and it will not be at a fancy club or something. It will be a massive celebration teeming with party girls, derels, and coke dealers at a New York City BAR where everyone can go, even teens and minors — because I'll get them in! So stay tuned for that.
It will be the afterparty to my industry book party...which isn't going to be some great thing you want to go to. Well, unless you're a real wino, I guess. Book parties are all about wine wine wine. At least in my imagination! I don't think I've ever actually been to one! I am learning all about this stuff, too. So it will be fun to share it in my xoJane posts.
The book we will be celebrating is right here: HOW TO MURDER YOUR LIFE! And this is an exclusive first look at the cover. You might be saying, Boring, but if you knew how hard it was to get to "text only" — publishing is a business that likes women on covers — you'd understand how happy I am to be presenting this cover today. It's gonna be so pretty in real life — gold foil, embossed...embossment. You know what I mean! Oh, I am tired tonight.
My cover designer is very cool; he did this very dope Stephen King cover, for example. And now... HOW TO MURDER YOUR LIFE. Out January 31, from Simon & Schuster. In case you missed that. He photographed a bunch of beauty products and created this beautiful type...in the MIAMI colors I requested. I wanted a book hungover chicks would buy at the Hudson News at the way home from Art Basel. You know...you can read it in the horrible Sunday airport lines. (I always prefer to fly back on Monday, don't you? And go to that club in South Beach on Sunday night where the blinky robot floats down from the ceiling...)
Okay, I am the worst salesperson ever, so my point is here is a link to preorder my book. I would be so honored if you did. And here is the synopsis, which I have lazily cut and paste from Amazon instead of coming up with something myself:
From Cat Marnell, “New York’s enfant terrible” (The Telegraph), a candid and darkly humorous memoir of prescription drug addiction and self-sabotage, set in the glamorous world of fashion magazines and downtown nightclubs.
At twenty-six, Cat Marnell was an associate beauty editor at Lucky, one of the top fashion magazines in America—and that’s all most people knew about her. But she hid a secret life. She was a prescription drug addict. She was also a “doctor shopper” who manipulated Upper East Side psychiatrists for pills, pills, and more pills; a lonely bulimic who spent hundreds of dollars a week on binge foods; a promiscuous party girl who danced barefoot on banquets; a weepy and hallucination-prone insomniac who would take anything—anything—to sleep.
This is a tale of self-loathing, self-sabotage, and yes, self-tanner. It begins at a posh New England prep school—and with a prescription for Attention Deficit Disorder medication Ritalin. It continues to New York, where we follow Marnell’s amphetamine-fueled rise from intern to editor through the beauty departments of NYLON, Teen Vogue, Glamour, and Lucky. [And xoJane! –Cat] We see her fight between ambition and addiction and how, inevitably, her disease threatens everything she worked so hard to achieve.
From the Condé Nast building (where she rides the elevator alongside Anna Wintour) to seedy nightclubs, from doctors’ offices and mental hospitals, Marnell shows—like no one else can—what it is like to live in the wild, chaotic, often sinister world of a young female addict who can’t say no.
Combining lightning-rod subject matter and bold literary aspirations, How to Murder Your Life is mesmerizing, revelatory, and necessary.
"Bold literary aspirations?" Questionable.
What I do know is that I'd be so incredibly fucking honored if you bought my book and read that shit! Honestly, it is so surreal. I'm so grateful to all of you who have made this career happen for me — I am gonna look you up in the future and you can be sure of that.
Anyway, I have to go. Pre-order! Pre-order! Pre-order! And start planning your party outfits! I might take my old blackout curtains out of storage and a fashion gown a la Scarlett O'Hara...
P.S. Seriously, you're all coming to New York for this party. Watch this space for details.
P.P.S. Foreign publication dates and book tour dates...coming up!
P.P.P.S. Bring cigarettes. I can't buy them!