Would I have to start planning outfits around the tattoo like I plan for weather?
Hello, shoppers! As we look forward to the holiday season, or possibly dread it, or possibly ignore it if it's not your jam, we also look forward to buying presents for people who may not deserve it but you have to get them one anyway. We all have friends or loved ones who are a pleasure to bestow gifts upon, and then we have the list of obligation friends and/or family. One of the easiest people to find presents for (because you already know so much about them because that’s all they ever talk about)? The self-involved narcissist (SIN)*!
The SIN gift is a double-edged sword, because it is the hardest to cough up some dough for someone who sincerely may not even realize you are there. Or it could be your boss (for that, I am sorry). Or if it’s your family member... yep, I’m again sorry. But you do have a chance to shine in the little sliver of light they may allow you!
Here are some great gifts to prove your worth, as you bow down at the feet of the queen or king receiving said gift.
*Disclaimer: This is the pop-psych narcissist, not the person suffering from true mental health issues such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They should be treated with TLC and hopefully get some help.
You have go to be KIDDING ME! This is very cute, and almost seems like a waste on someone other than you. But I digress.
So go through some of your favorite narcissist’s selfies on social, save them, and then send to Rifle Paper Co.’s coordinators. They then create a perfect little portrait to adorn stationary referred to as “calling cards” or flat notes. It’s not cheap, but it is pretty special. Maybe you could be your own favorite narcissist this holiday season.
This is a mirror with a floating thing and an app. I’ve read the features a hundred times, and I’m guessing the floating thing is the other magnification mirror, which, when coupled with the app, can display over 50,000 color variations. Color variations of what? Your face? Is this thing alive?
I guess a narcissist with a tech-y vibe would find this fascinating. I think it’s trying to steal something from us, maybe our souls.
Look, whoever is getting your shitty present might as well feel exceptional when they get it. And maybe you admire them a little bit. Maybe she is a gat-dang genius — she’s just insufferable about it.
Well, give her this and she’ll be so happy you think highly of her; all the while you’ll secretly be snickering about how tongue-in-cheek the present was. Sidenote: have we talked about how you might be a bad friend?
BEAUTY’S ONLY CONTOUR DEEP
It’s got every component for the self-lover: makeup, mirrors and the name NARSissist (like I could resist?). Chock full of spring colors, this palette includes two colors of blush — nope, three. No! FOUR, if you include the highlighting one; then a bronzer and then a teeny lipgloss.
PROCEED WITH CAUTION: buying beauty narcissists stuff is very tricky because they probably already have it or will not like your choice.
Not only does your dog think the world revolves around him/her, he/she also wants to be Santa this year? That’s a LOT of attention-hogging. It’s actually downright offensive to me how much attention your dog needs. AND MONOGRAMMED?!
And while we’re at it, your cat has been a little out-of-control lately, too. I guess this will quiet her horrible attitude, but at what cost!? (Probably around $200, just FYI) Your cat doesn’t even know who Andy Warhol is, and she’s demanding a pop art portrait!? RUDE.
THE QUICK COWORKER GIFT
Oooh, shiny. Throw it in a bag full of candy, or maybe she/he loves a certain type of gum (maybe that certain type of gum is coming back into style). A super-easy sparkly office exchange present that fits the bill.
BUILD THEM A REFLECTING POOL
For the true Narcissus of the bunch, he or she needs their own reflecting pool. You know it, I know it, and this pool ain’t gonna build itself. So either get to digging or hire a contractor because time is a-wastin’.
Happy shopping! Don’t forget to pick up something for yourself while you’re out there!