I Thought Spin Doctors Would Make Me Cool — Tell Us About the Failed Attempts at "Coolness" from Your Youth

This is an Open Thread for all the kids who tried way too hard. You can sit at my lunch table.
Publish date:
February 1, 2016
middle school is hell, the 90s, being cool, cool, not fitting in, Open Thread,

I was always a beat behind when I was a kid.

When sleep overs were all the rage in 4th grade, I was the kid who JUST COULDN'T HANDLE sleeping away from home.

When all the 5th graders were starting to get all twitterpated over girls and boys, I was still pretending to be a horse at recess.

When all the 6th graders were talking about how they loved "alternative music" I was the girl who fantasized about becoming the world's first female Phantom in Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera.

It took me way too long to figure out what the hell "alternative" music was. I still remember the withering look Cool Girl Angie gave me when I asked her, "Alternative to what?"

So I went to the mall, and got myself a Spin Doctors CD. The one with "Two Princes" on it. A few months ago I'd heard one of the cool kids say that Spin Doctors was their favorite band (this is key). I didn't even like it, but I forced myself to listen to it so I could casually drop a lyric or two into conversation with the cool kids at my tiny middle school.

Just go ahead now.

Anyway, one day I was in the school bathroom watching the cool girls put on blush, when the topic of music came up.

This was my moment. I was about to be cool. I was going to fit in. We'd all hang out and listen to Spin Doctors and talk about horses — I mean boys.

I don't remember exactly what I said but it went something like, "Oh yeah, it's like that SPIN DOCTORS song," and then I SANG SOME OF "TWO PRINCES":

And if you like to talk for hours

Just go ahead now

The bathroom got silent. Cool Girl Angie smirked, "You still like Spin Doctors? They're so lame."


Good save, Hung.

Cool Girl Angie's sidekick cackled and put on more blush.

I was not cool.

Were you? Did your attempts to be like the cool kids go better? What finally put you over the edge into the "Cool Zone"?

But better yet, tell us your failed attempts.

You can like, totally hang out with me.