May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor in This Week's Emoji Horoscopes

What is your casino or gambling game of choice and do you ever actually win?
Publish date:
March 13, 2016
emojis, horoscopes

Greetings from Mohegan Sun, a casino in Connecticut where I'm currently gambling away portions of the $200 cash I allowed myself to take out of the bank before arriving. Does anyone else show up to the casino like, "I'm gonna change $200 into $20 grand!" because that's the person I was last night, watching the wheel spin on the roulette table as it slowly sucked up equal parts of my money and soul.

I actually was up — way up — at one point and should have called it quits, but then my friend Nicole hit her number (in a very sweet story, her number is 26, the day she and her husband got married) and I remembered that thrill of the one time I was in Vegas and hit my number not once, but twice. I walked out of Excalibur that day with over $800. That was probably the closest I'll ever get to the words "big money," but the glimmer of hope that, I too, can be a winner is what keeps me coming back.

Look, I know gambling is probably not the smartest thing to do, but it's so easy to get sucked into these fancy casinos. I would drive out to Mohegan, which I did packed with all my friends in a huge Mitsubishi Outlander SUV (they enjoyed themselves in the backseat jamming out to music while I played with the adaptive cruise control, which is just so cool and #thefuture), just to eat at Bobby's Burger Palace and Bar Americain and then have dessert at Dylan's Candy Bar. But there's only so many times you can eat in one day, and to fill the gaps between meals, I choose to gamble.

This brings me to our regularly scheduled emoji horoscopes, which too are a bit of a gamble in their own right. Sometimes you open up a horoscope and you approach it the way you do at a casino (the phrase "winner, winner steak dinner" comes to mind) only to realize your week ahead looks like a complete and utter meltdown. This is not my intention, I promise you, but when the emoji gods speak, they speak the truth and so we all need a little luck going into these horoscopes each week.

So I say good luck, with that half smirk, half wink — the same way the girl at the roulette table did last night, which roughly translates to "Let the odds be ever in your favor."