Would I have to start planning outfits around the tattoo like I plan for weather?
Before you spend $50 on that Victoria's Secret lingerie that you're certain will drive your man wild with passion, consider this: Men like sex and will, for the most part, never turn it down.
Want to know how badly he really wants it? With a little Photoshop magic and a willing male subject, we find out what's doable versus what's a dealbreaker.
Him: They almost seem plausible. There's a woman out there that would wear these underwear. Her: But what man would want to be with the woman who wears Gunnar and Matt Nelson on their crotch? I mean it's a great sight-gag if your a bottle blonde and someone asks if the carpet matches the curtains. But come on.Him: If you squint, they *don't* have to be Nelson.Her: Oh believe me, there's a woman out their squinting hoping the guy they're with *is* a Nelson. And these are for her.
4. Men on Film from In Living Color.
Him: Okay, these are just funny.Her: So you wouldn't have a problem if I dropped my pants and you found Blaine Edwards and Antoine Merriweather staring at you?Him: I didn't say that. These aren't disturbing for some reason.Her: What if I could only have sex while wearing a tiny little hat?Him: That's just weird.Her: And every time you saw them wouldn't you just hear "hated it!" in your head?Him: I'd take these over Nelson.
3. Thom Yorke
Him: He seems like he'll just stare at me the whole time.Her: Only if they're crotchless!Him: They could be in the wrapped up in a plastic bag in the trunk of the car and I'd still think he'd be staring at me.Her: Guys like Radiohead. Music and sex go together!Him: He's still staring at me.Her: Maybe he's not staring. Maybe he's just sad.Him: Sad Thom Yorke is not sexy.Her: What if they were crotchless?Him: (silence)
Him: Oh for Fuck's sake!Her: It's Alf!Him: I know what that is. That looks disgusting.Her: Yeah, I didn't remember how ugly Alf was until I looked for a photo online.Him: And I *liked* Alf when I was a kid.Her: So dealbraker?Him: Actually...Her: There's an "actually???"Him: Alf can be ironic. So no, no dealbreaker. However, if the nose/mouth were a little bit lower then it would be a dealbreaker for sure.Her: Have you heard the rap lyric "It's amazing that I eat more pussy than Alf."Him: (laughing) That's good.
Him: Dealbreaker. I do not want to know, let alone have sex with the woman who has an autographed pair of underwear featuring the men of Coach.Her: I'm sure she'd had her reasons. She probably liked football! Guys like football!Him: Look where Jerry Van Dyke's head is! That wouldn't just put me off of sex with this woman. It puts me off sex. Ever.Her: What about a Coach DVD boxset? How would you feel about that?Him: Would we have to watch it when having sex?Her: No.Him: That's fine, then.
Verdict: Underwear: Dealbreaker, Coach DVD Box Set: Doable