Would I have to start planning outfits around the tattoo like I plan for weather?
Ah, the holidays.
The smell of spiced cider wafts through the air, the glow of twinkling lights warms your spirit, the sound of dozens of disembodied voices echo through your home.
That's right. For your creepy listening pleasure, I've spent all day, between making Thanksgiving preparations, scouring the Internet for the best EVPs technology can offer.
What are EVPs, you ask?
EVP stands for "electronic voice phenomenon." Long story short, they are ghostly, disembodied voices caught on tape. Sometimes they are heard by the person doing the recording, other times they are discovered upon review of the tape.
The first time I ever became aware of EVPs was when I was a kid watching "Unsolved Mysteries."
It was the episode with the Queen Mary and the investigators left a camera in what I believe was the engine room, running over night. (I tried to find footage from the episode to share with you, but it's nowhere to be found. If you know where to find it please share in the comments!)
When the investigators reviewed the tape, they caught several minutes of unintelligible voices echoing around the metal bowels of the ship. It sounded like a conversation between two men -- their voices were clear, but their words were not. I remember watching that part of the show in horror and fascination, and then not sleeping for days after.
That episode of "Unsolved Mysteries" scared me so much in fact, that in all my spooky reading and exploring through the years, I avoided listening to any recorded "ghost voices" again until I got to grad school and finally got a computer of my very own.
Because what better to do when you're bored and lonely on a Saturday night? That's right, Google "ghost voices caught on tape" and regret every moment of it.
I'm not going to lie, there's a lot of room for skepticism with some of these. I tried to find the ones that I believed COULD be ghost voices, more than I didn't believe they were. But stuff like this is just hard to prove without being there (and even then there's always the possibility of sound pollution).
So, Creepy Corneristas, what I recommend is that you suspend your disbelief for a little bit and just enjoy the ride. These are creepy all on their own, and if you allow yourself to believe, for a just a moment, that they really are voices from beyond the grave, the chills are that much sweeter.
So turn up the volume on your computer (or plug in your headphones if you're at work, we won't tell) and brace yourselves for evidence that what you suspect goes bump in the night is actually right there…and wants to chat.
The Myrtles Plantation
St. Francisville, LA
Considered one of the great haunted homes in America, the Myrtles plantation has been investigated numerous times to varying degrees of success. The house has seen its share of death and tragedy, among them the supposed accidental poisoning and death of one of the plantation owner's wife and two children at the hands of their slave, Chloe.
Chloe was promptly hung from a tree on the property. Her ghost, and many others, are still said to haunt the property.
Here are some EVPs from The Myrtles, courtesy of Voices Through the Static. (Don't forget to turn up your volume!)
And this one's pretty spooky: "Liar"
I almost lived in Athens, OH a few years ago, and the prospect of it had me all atwitter.
Not only is Athens, OH one of the most haunted towns in all of the U.S., but it is also the location of The Ridges, formerly the Athens Lunatic Asylum. Opened in 1874, in the quiet, peaceful town, the Asylum started off innocently enough.
However, due to mismanagement and overcrowding, the treatment of its patients deteriorated, leading to multiple cases of abuse and death. Oh yeah, and they performed lobotomies, LOTS of lobotomies.
And if THAT'S not enough to give you the heebie jeebies, might I add that Athens sits in the middle of a PENTAGRAM OF CEMETERIES, one of which is The Ridges cemetery. (Some have argued that this is BS, that it's actually 10 cemeteries, that it doesn't actually form a pentagram, that pentagrams are dumb, that you can connect the dots and make anything a pentagram, that blah blah blah. Please stop pooping on my pentagram, the demons don't like it. Kthanks.
NOTE: PLEASE don't any of you go screwing around with demons and pentagrams and stuff, that shit can be nasty. Just go to Athens for your fix OK?)
So of course somebody went in there with a tape recorder. This is some of what they captured, courtesy of the Ohio Exploration Society.
Click here to listen to EVPs. (You have to scroll to the bottom of the page for the EVP recordings)
It's not the best quality, but if that scream is real, I'm pretty spooked. And ghosts asking for help? Gets me every time.
Courtesy of laspirits.com, I'm not sure where the next couple EVPs come from, but they are "Class A" and "Class B," respectively.
Yes, there is a rating system for EVPs. According to LSPI, Class A is, "the clearest of EVPs, class As produce recordings of clear, multi-syllable words with a distinctive volume and level of clarity", and Class B EVPs "contain words that can be heard without much ear strain. Also, clear and distinct moans and growls can often be included".
Here's a Class A: "I'm not crazy."
Here's a Class B: "Gonna get ya." (It's soft, listen closely.)
The Queen Mary
Long Beach, CA
You all know the Queen Mary right? You know, ocean liner turned troopship turned hotel turned haunted attraction? That Queen Mary?
Lots of people have tragically died on the Queen Mary, thus lots of ghosts are reported to walk its halls. Though many of the Queen Mary's ghost stories are muddied by too much hype, some compelling evidence of hauntings has been collected over the years.
The most famous ghosts include the one who supposedly haunts room B340, a man who was killed in the engine room, and several women and children who haunt the indoor swimming pool.
In fact this EVP was caught by the American Paranormal Research Association in the Queen Mary's pool area.
Montpelier Hill, Ireland
In researching the Hellfire Club, I came across this explanation as the caption of a photo:
"Ruined 18th-century hunting lodge on Montpellier Hill near Rathfarnham, Dublin, known as The Hellfire Club, where it is alleged that 18th century nobleman practiced Satanism."
That about sums it up.
Oh, and the stones for the original roof were scavenged from the "ancient Stone Age burial cairn" that it was built on top of, and a lot of the debauchery that those rascally noblemen partook in involved HUMAN SACRIFICE. (And when humans weren't available they were especially fond of sacrificing cats. NOT COOL.)
The Hellfire Club: Fucked Up Since 1725.
Seriously though, I'm not sure I'd go there if you paid me.
These EVPs from the Kilkenny Investigative Paranormal Society (KIPS), the first one in particular, really got my attention.
"Take one of us."
And lastly there's this:
Just what IS this?
I admit, I giggled at this a little bit. But I've also been shoveling in uh, "Thanksgiving cookies" the entire time I've been writing this post, so I admit I'm a little sugar buzzed and slap happy.
Some comments on other sites have said that it alludes to the Devil having cloven hooves; I suppose I can get behind that. And it's certainly a little creepy, but "The Thing" at the bottom of the shaft?
Is this fake? I can't get a straight answer from the interweb. Creepy Corneristas? Got any answers?
I hope you got a few thrills and chills while listening to these. There are sooooooo many out there, this is just the tip of the pentagram.
Have you ever caught a ghost's voice on tape? What's the best EVP you've ever heard? Have you ever heard a disembodied voice?
I've been sleeping too well lately.