COTW: Everything Is Embarrassing

But this is how I stopped cringing.
Publish date:
September 24, 2016
penises, comment of the week, embarrassing moments

Hello, commenter friends. How's your weekend going? I'm writing this, like all COTWs, at about 3 p.m. on Friday, so mine hasn't started yet.

I don't know if there's something in the air or what, but I've been having a million mini-cringe embarrassing moments over the past week. To recap:

I'm trying to flirt over text and sending just possibly the most idiotic messages (how did I steer this conversation into talking about the pope?!).

I wore the stupidest dress in the world on the windiest day of last week and basically showed the entire financial district my ass.

I fell down an entire flight of stairs getting to the L train and — even worse! — a bunch of people saw me and tried to help, which hurt way more than my bruised tailbone and ego.

A few days ago I tried to swipe into the office with a condom instead of my ID. Sorry, Mom. (I just found out she reads all of my articles here. Whoops.)

I feel like I'm either living in the "before" part of an infomercial or as the klutzy star of a terrible rom-com, and I can't decide which is worse.

Fortunately, y'all are really funny and take the sting out of the stupid stuff I do on the daily. So, onto the comments!

Sliding in juuuuust under the wire (a.k.a. at noon on Friday), is Elle and Yvette Regrets's exchange from "9 Things You Should Always Negotiate with Your Partner When You Get Kinky."

(For the record, that analogy was directed toward "Some are hard and some are soft.")

And, as far as words of encouragement go, I have honestly never heard any better ones than these, in "Pizza Hut's Grilled Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza Is the Food of Your Drunken Dreams."