Would I have to start planning outfits around the tattoo like I plan for weather?
BREAD! Bread, bread, wonderful bread. Is there anything better than bread? I'm not sure that there is. Maybe kittens. Kittens WITH bread! Or a kitten sandwich! Better still, kittens that DELIVER you bread whenever you want it. BREEEAAADDD.
I flirted with a zero carb diet back when I was 19, and lost a fair amount of weight by just stuffing my face with eggs and cheese and ham, which felt completely wrong but also oh-so right -- the fact that straight after my dalliance with that diet I suddenly developed my IBD is neither here nor there. Or is it? I'm probably not allowed to go into it because the ghost of Dr Atkins might sue me or something. But anyway -- I didn't eat any bread for a month. NEVER AGAIN.
Bread is the lifeblood of my diet. The smell of toast in the morning, then slathered in thick, crunchy (always crunchy) peanut butter, salty and rich. A soft, white bap for lunch, filled with ham and egg. A ciabatta heated in the oven to accompany dinner, with lashings of salted butter that melts into the crumb. There is no occasion that bread doesn't improve.
As you can tell, I am no advocate for the no carbs way of eating. If that works for you, then great -- I just can't imagine my life without it.
One of my favourite things to do now that the weather has turned, is bake bread. Now, I say I bake it, but what i actually do is chuck one of those packet mixes into the bread maker my Mum handed down to me after the Great Bread Panic about 7 or 8 years ago (remember that, Brits? When there was a huge fuel strike and everyone panic bought all the bread in all the supermarkets even though nothing actually ever happened?). It's a big, clunky thing that sits on my counter like a massive eyesore, but one that makes the BEST SMELL EVER.
I'll bung a packet in on a weekday evening as soon as I get home from work, and in about 2 hours my whole flat smells absolutely incredible. Half the time I'm not even that bothered about eating the bread it makes, the smell is 75% of the joy. Obviously we do eat it though, ripping it apart in rough chunks, the steam still escaping and burning our fingers, butter dripping down our chins, the perfect late night snack even though we aren't hungry in the slightest.
I MADE THIS* AND IT WAS AMAZING
*my bread maker made this
The waft of a bakery as I walk down the street with always turn my head, the warm, reassuring smell of croissants and french sticks coming out of the oven. It often takes all my might to not nip in and buy half the shop. Imagine a world without the scent of freshly cooked bread, or the smell of toast popping out of the toaster at work in the morning, making everyone instantly hungry.
WELL. The crazy geniuses at The Federation of Bakers are worried that we are forgetting about the joys of bread, and recently came up with a pretty LOL-worthy marketing campaign to get people eating bread again. They developed a BREAD PERFUME!
The limited edition scent was created by The Federation of Bakers to "challenge the fashion for bread-free diets. With just 80 calories per slice, bread provides (at least) 10% of the adult daily intake of protein, fibre, calcium, iron, copper, zinc and manganese. What’s more, the Government’s Nutrition Survey shows that people who eat the most bread, consume the fewest calories."
They run with the headline "Bring Bread Back Into Fashion" and is designed to "remind women who skip breakfast just what they’re missing out on." If we just skip over the fact that hey -- men go on low-carb diets too, bakers! -- I do think it's a pretty funny campaign, and one that does outline the health benefits of a food that is often binned when trying to lose weight.
As for the scent -- I sadly haven't been able to get my hands on one of the very limited samples, which is a travesty considering my delight in all things carb, but am assured it smells "quite bready."
Would you wear bread perfume? I think I probably would, although I'd be continuously hungry. And more importantly, WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE BREAD PRODUCT? I think my Top 5 would be:
- White toast with peanut butter (and butter as well, although Chris reckons this is WRONG)
- A soft sub roll with a hot dog in it
- Garlic bread with mozzarella
- A french stick with salted butter and some kind of cured meat
- Sourdough, with anything.
VIVA LA BREAD!
Natalie's on Twitter: @Natalie_KateM