Would I have to start planning outfits around the tattoo like I plan for weather?
I never really got into reality TV aside from a slight obsession with a Real World Somewhere because I was over my friend's house and she had cable. Other than that, I've sorta missed the boat on how low cinema verite has stooped to conquer in recent seasons.
Case in point: "Basketball Wives." The VH1 hit has apparently gotten so ridiculously over the top and wannabe gangsta with the bitch slapping and bottle throwing that Star Jones felt the need to weigh in. Back in April Jones' tweets helped start a fan-led petition against the show's violent outbursts.
It may be ‘comfortable’ to be quiet when women of color slap the crap out of each other & run across tables barefoot, but #ENOUGHisENOUGH
In response to Jones, her fans, and her future step daughters, BBW star Evelyn Lozada, who's set to marry football player Chad Ochocinco, has taken time out to consult with her inner child. In what the Huffington Post described as a "heartfelt letter," Lozada writes directly to her seven-year-old self.
You’ll look through the rearview mirror of your life and see a mountain of mistakes. You’ll realize that although it appears that you’re living out a dream, your seven year old self could never picture this near nightmare at thirty-six. You’ll remember the days when you drowned out the fighting and drama in your own house and the negativity of the women you loved who ultimately shape who you will become.
Despite what I don't know about Lozada since I stopped watching VH1 when they stopped playing videos, this letter does actually seem pretty heartfelt and sweet. She admits to her own failings while also linking her seve- year-old experiences with violence to her 36-year-old penchant for it.
Anyway the whole thing got me to wondering what I'd tell not-tall-enough-to-ride-this-ride Helena. At 31 would I make third-grade Helena proud or would she be embarrassed to be seen with me? Would she, like the little girl I met at a recent wedding, not be able to take her eyes off me, coolness somehow accomplished?
Actually I'm more like five or something here but you get the picture.
I really don't know. I'd hope this kid would meet me in some weird type of Back to the Future scenario and be pretty impressed. I mean we didn't make it to the Mansion that M.A.S.H. game promised us but who did? Thankfully I don't think I'd have to apologize for much, mainly because I've never gotten far from feeling like a seven-year-old girl on the inside. I've made asshole decisions, sure, but most of those were some dude's fault. Or at least that's the story I'm sticking to.
So all I can come up with is something short and sweet. More Yearbook signage than heartfelt apology: "Dear Lana Dana, Keep In Touch." Because if we do that, then I think I'm good. What about you? If you had to tell your kid self something would be "I'm sorry" or "Rock on"?