That One Drink That Is Perfect and You Will Accept No Criticism Of

Horseradish vodka is the only flavored vodka I really care about — well, besides gin — and I will accept no criticism of it.
Publish date:
April 16, 2016
flavored vodka, vodka, That One Drink, Watermelon Slush, Horseradish

Hello, fellow connoisseurs of beverages that contain ethanol in them! Welcome back to another a tart and refreshing installment of That One Drink. Last week, we sprung into spring with all sorts of light and breezy boozy fun.

The winner, which was brought to us by the lovely Teenyslews, was everything I want in a springtime cocktail.

Ultimate summer drunk: watermelon slush with vodka. Take a bunch of watermelon. Blend it with lime juice and vodka. Drink while sitting on your balcony and reading a trashy romance novel. Photo from last summer's watermelon slush below.

I mean, really. Not only is this the perfect balance of sweet, tart, and boozy, it's really easy to make. Well, it's easy if you have basic control over your motor functions. I made a big mess. (Because I am a big mess? Maybe.) I am, in fact, drinking it right now.

I don't know the exact ratios Teenyslews uses, but I can give you what I worked out.

Watermelon Slush Magic DrinkIngredients (for one, large beverage):

  • 1 1/2 ounces vodka (I used Certified Organic Prairie Vodka, because a big bottle of it just showed up in my UPS box, and because it's nice and clean. It's also usually around $20 a bottle, which is nice.)
  • 1 1/2 ounces fresh lime juice (It took me three limes, but these limes were dumb and not as juicy as they should have been.)
  • 10 largish watermelon chunks


Blend it all together. Drink in the sun while reading a trashy novel, as suggested by our friend Slews.

Sometimes I have a hard time choosing these trophies, but this was not the case for this beverage. In fact, I think the only song that will do is "I Spent The Summer Wasting" by Belle & Sebastian.

Now we must move on.


A photo posted by Claire Lower (@clairelizlower) on

From time to time, I have people email or text me, asking me where they should eat and drink in Portland. They usually get a very long list, tailored to their diets and preferences, but one thing I will always recommend, no matter what, without any exception whatsoever, is that they go to Kachka and get the horseradish vodka. It is amazing. It is completely drinkable by itself. It is my favorite thing.

Back to her old tricks.

A photo posted by Claire Lower (@clairelizlower) on

It used to be that you could only get it at the restaurant, in quantities of 30, 60, or 100 grams. (You have probably seen evidence of this on my Instagram, if you're into that kinda thing.) But now they are bottling it, and it is as if they have bottled my dreams.

Basically, if you don't like this horseradish vodka, I may not completely trust you as a person. (I ran into this recently with a dining companion, but I let it slide because he looked like Matt Berninger.) ANYWAY. It's the only flavored vodka I really care about — well, besides gin — and I will accept no criticism of it.

You could put it in a Bloody Mary, yes, but I wouldn't want to obscure it's glory like that. I just drink it chilled, sipping slowly, maybe with a bit of pickle juice on the side. In fact, I'm going to pour myself some right now, never mind that it's 3:33 on a Wednesday (as I type this; you're in the future!).

Now it's your turn. What beverage, spirit, beer, or wine do you recommend to everyone and use as a basis to determine whether or not you can be true friends?