This Pizza Box Made of Pizza Is Mostly Worthless

Usually, I love an edible container.
Publish date:
April 29, 2016
pizza, food fashion, pizza cake, Pizza Pouch

I am usually a big fan of an edible container. How could I not be? They cut down on food waste while providing more food to eat. So while I never thought I would find myself complaining about more pizza coming with my pizza, I am slightly confused and perturbed by this pizza box made of pizza.

In what will probably be revealed to be a hilarious joke, Vinnie's Pizzeria has unveiled a very ambitious creation: a pizza transport system made entirely of pizza. Once one gets over their initial "OMG LOOK AT ALL THAT PIZZA" reaction, it becomes abundantly clear that pizza is a poor way to protect precious pizza. As one fine writer at Deadspin points out, there are some germ issues. The outer pizza could be exposed to the delivery person's hands, the car seat, and whatever the weather happens to be doing that day, rendering it inedible and suitable only for the trash, which seems much more wasteful that recycling some cardboard. (How does your city handle pizza boxes? We compost them here in Portland, Oregon.)

Beyond hygiene and food handling practices, it just seems like a poor plan logistically. Wouldn't the inner pizza stick to the gooey cheese of the outer pizza? Are there toppings and cheese on the inside of the lid? The only logical conclusion one can draw is that this is not in fact a real product, and was invented to draw attention to this particular pizza joint. Obviously, it is working, because Eater is talking about it, Deadspin is talking about it, and I am talking about it.

Pizza is one of those foods that is best left un-fucked with. It should be done simply and done well, but I can't deny that I love a good pizza gimmick, and all of this pizza talk is getting me nostalgic for some of my favorite gimmicky pies. Let's take a tour through our pizza past, shall we?

Pizza Cake

A couple of years ago, pizza chain Boston Pizza launched a campaign called "Pizza Game Changers" where customers were encouraged to vote on crazy pizza "innoventions" such as pizza mints, a pizza beardkin (an apron for your beard to use when eating pizza), a pizza taco, and a pizza cake. The pizza cake won.

I don't know if it was ever actually offered by Boston Pizza, but I do know that I made my own. If you would like to know how to make a pizza cake, you may learn how to do so here. You will need a springform pan.

Pizza Hut's Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza

This was one of the first food items I reviewed for xoJane, an I think I was a fan. Let's see what Claire of Pizza's Past has to say:

The pizza itself was a pretty standard pizza. Pizza Hut has never been my favorite, but it’s still pizza, which is better than a sharp stick in the eye, or whatever.... My only qualm lies in the texture of the cheese. It was a little plastic, with a layer of grease on the surface. The reason for this is easy to see: By not allowing the consumer to detach the cheese cups right off the bat, Pizza Hut is forcing the consumer to allow the cheese cups to cool, and the viscosity changes.

So it was good, but not great.

Domino's Specialty Chicken

Oof. I remember being very excited and then very disappointed by these things. Like KFC's Chizza, it was an okay idea that just wasn't executed very well. The chicken was crap. The cheese was burnt. What a tire fire.

Pizza Hut's Hot Dog Bites Pizza

This is actually one of my favorite pizza stunts I've ever eaten. I felt terrible afterwards, but enjoyed every moment of it. I reviewed the pie for the Today Show's website, where you can read it in full, but this paragraph gives you the gist:

I'm not going to lie, I enjoyed "interacting" with this pizza. Going back and forth between two of America's favorite foods was deliciously fun, though it felt like I was eating two separate dishes — hot dogs (well, pigs in blankets) and pizza — rather than one cohesive meal. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, the variety keeps your palate from getting oversaturated with one flavor, and while pizza and hot dogs aren't exactly PB&J, they don't cause any dissonance.

I did think they should have provided more sauce options; the mustard was okay but ranch would have been amazing.

Pizza Pouch

Finally, we arrive at the pizza pouch. This stunt was not pulled by any pizza restaurant chain, but by yours truly. I basically just wandered around with a slice of pizza around my neck all day. The people seemed to approve.

What are your favorite pizza stunts? What is the craziest pizza you've ever put in your mouth? Did you ever make a pizza cake?