Look Like a Swedish MILF Circa 1970 with Hot and Sexy CLOGS

1) I live in an igloo. 2) Clogs are way hot, kittens.

Aug 23, 2012 at 9:00am | Leave a comment

Oh, breaking news: It’s totally hot outside everywhere in the country. Except at my house. We just got A/C last week and my dude is so excited, he insists on keeping the thermostat at the approximate temperature of an Arctic ice floe. So I am now this idiot:
 
image
 


Just casually wearing a fake fur coat indoors in the middle of August and drinking out of a coconut while writing this. Actually I am going back and forth between pretending to write this and looking at these amazing shoes I am pining for:
 
image

Swedish Hasbeens T-Bar sandal, about $227.00 U.S.

 
They are Swedish Hasbeens. I’ve been sitting here unsure of what the hell I was going to write about for today but now I think I’m just going to tell you about these shoes! I love to multi-task.
 
My old boss liked to tell me that "It's been proven that you can't really multi-task, it just fractures your brain and makes you unable to concentrate on anything." He may have a point with the fractured brain, as I have the ability to carry on a conversation with my mouth while having an entire separate dialogue in my head. Maybe that's due to the fact that I did actually fracture my skull as a child. More on that some other time. 
 

Swedish Hasbeens are basically 1970s-style clogs redone in some seriously dazzling updated styles. I love clogs. I have 5 pairs that I bought from The Clog Master, an intense Swedish woman who is sort of like the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld, but for clogs. She used to be located here in Los Angeles but has now headed to where all fleeing Angelenos go: Portland, Oregon.
 
She is not kidding around when it comes to fitting you for a pair of clogs, and she doesn’t want to hear your dumb jokes. At least, she didn’t want to hear mine. She only sells clogs to people who come to her for an actual physical fitting. Your clogs are then custom made to order specifically to fit your foot. I didn't realize what I was actually signing up for when I darkened her door. But I was quite pleased when I finally received these:
 
image

Custom hand-painted clogs from The Clog Master.

 
Ignore that giant cat scratch on my right ankle. When I told The Clog Master (her real name is Cecilia) that my feet hurt so bad that I was considering seeing a podiatrist for special insoles, she glared at me HARD and said, “Why would you do that? You just need to wear clogs! Going to the podiatrist for this would be abusing your health insurance. WE don’t do that.”
 
The topic of insurance obviously hit a nerve, and I wanted to ask her about Sweden's socialized medicine system, but Cecilia is all business when she is measuring your foot. A good pair of clogs is a monetary investment, and she takes it seriously.
 
And, well, she was kind of right. I bought quite a few pairs from her and I wear them to work on the rare days that I don't wear boots. Et voila! Foot pain cut in half. They are insanely comfortable, even after I have been on my feet all day. I did ask the Clog Master why clogs are so comfortable, as it seemed they would be the opposite--you are walking on a big chunk of hard wood! Her answer was that it "gets you off of the ball of your foot and encourages a proper rolling motion that keeps you from turning your ankles when you walk."
 
The Clog Master has some pretty cute "fashion-y" styles, but the high heeled Hasbeens take clogs to the next level. I would practically be Olivia Newton John in the carnival scene of Grease if I had a pair! They have a 4.1" heel with a 2" platform under the toe.
 
image

Swedish Hasbeens T-Bar Sandal in Cognac, Dark Navy, Red and Hot Pink. About $228.00.

 
Swedish Hasbeens founders Cilla and Emy remembered a super hot mom named Anita on their childhood block in Southern Sweden in the 1970s. Anita wore white high-heeled clogs and smoked Camel ciggys in the yard all day while yelling at her rambunctious kids. For some reason, Cilla and Emy were conveniently rummaging in the basement of an old clog factory in 2006 and found 300 unworn pairs of the exact sandals they remembered Anita wearing. And just like that, Swedish Hasbeens was born.
 
image

Cilla and Emy, founders of Swedish Hasbeens.

 
Their insane cultish remembrance of such a specific shoe really hit a nerve with me, as I am still pining for a pair of these amazing sandals my mom wore in the 80's called Yo-Yos.
 
image

Yo-Yos, dream shoe of my childhood.

 
They didn’t even make Yo-Yos in kid’s sizes, but I still begged her to buy me a pair. If only I’d had the hindsight at age 6 to know I’d grow up to be a solid size 10, I would have a sweet pile of dead stock Yo-Yos to choose from right now. I’ve been looking for a pair in my size on eBay and in every thrift store, vintage store and charity shop I ever visit with no luck. I almost bought some I found on my last vacation that were 3 sizes too small, just so I could FINALLY HAVE A PAIR.
 
Hasbeens are made by hand in Stockholm using vegetable tanned leather and Linden and Basswood for the soles. The trees are harvested from a forest in Europe, with the stipulation that a new one be planted for every one that is cut down. The Hasbeens site very cleverly states that their shoes are so natural, you could practically bury them in your garden
 
image

Hasbeens "Mimmi" sandal, about $228.00 U.S.

 
This green pair screams Emily's name to me. They are so 1940s pinup girl. Piperlime carries some models of the Hasbeens, as does Madewell, Endless.com, Amazon, and sometimes Urban Outfitters, but of course the ones I am dying for are only available on the Hasbeens site. Which is conveniently located in Sweden.
 
image

Hasbeens 60's Slingback, about $143.00 U.S.

 
These 1960s style slingbacks also come in camel and black. Shipping of most styles to the U.S runs about $56.00/pair. It appears that they sometimes run a free worldwide shipping special, so I am waiting for it to pop up again. Then I am jumping on the white pair I showed you at the very top.
 
If anyone has a pair of those Yo-Yos I am pining for, hit me up. I'll make Jane Pratt give you something you want!
 
I'm on Twitter: @IveyAlison