Because my feet hate me.
Even though every single fashion story I read right now is all going on about spring/summer 2013, it’s still freezing cold outside in most of the country. It’s been getting down to 41 degrees at night here in LA! I also have a seemingly permanent case of horrific static cling hair.
So I’ve taken to covering up my hair at all times with a parade of crappy beanies. You know, the kind you can buy at the liquor store! (Where only the very best wardrobe items are sold.)
A beanie (or toque, if you're Canadian!) is the undisputed perfect way to stay warm and cover up my downright egregious hair. I like my beanies to be either black or -- if that's not available -- black. Navy will sometimes do in a pinch. But then I randomly saw a girl on the street yesterday wearing a neon beanie, and LIKE WHOA. I love neon in small doses.
As I was stalking this adorable girl in the neon beanie (who I neglected to take a photo of), I realized that you can sort of wear one with anything. A fluorescent beanie is such a ridiculous item that it somehow takes on a most nonchalant air. It dresses up schlubby sweatpants just as easily as it tones down a prim pencil skirt. It's a total style chameleon.
I only like the classic condom-shaped gas station beanie. I stretch them wayyyyy out before wearing so they slouch down the back of your head like a disinterested teenager. The best way to achieve this look is to put it around a roll or 2 of paper towels overnight. You can also put it 'round your knee for extra stretching when you're bored at work.
The only problem is that once you finally get your beanie stretched out enough for my liking, you've stressed the fibers so much that the dumb thing is already halfway toward being threadbare.
I stupidly bought the beanie I have on above at American Apparel for a cool $20.00 but Patricia Field has the same exact ones for literally $9.00! What a dumb dildo I am, I just couldn't wait. I had to copy you THAT INSTANT, cute girl on Sunset Boulevard in the neon pink beanie.
There are far classier versions of the neon beanie out there for all you fashion week babes who prefer not to get their clothes at a gas station. Tilly's (speaking of spots for classy fashions) has one with a bit of black woven in to tone down the overall look. (Plus, I think it makes neon more of a neutral!)
This cameo-embellished beanie is such a beautiful idea. The mash-up of a super trendy look with something so totally proper floats my boat in a big way. This would obviously be way easy to do on your own! Raid your grandmother's jewelry box, some weird cheap online store, or the local thrift store for a brooch you love and call it a day.
If you are under the age of 20, you may not be aware that neon stuff glows under black light. So if you happen to be grocery shopping and a rave breaks out, you're completely covered.
While I was scrounging around on the Internet looking for groovy neon beanies for this post, I came across some freaky-deaky beanies that deserve an honorable mention. These are for those of you who are a little more insane with your style than I am:
If you are like me and suffer from crazy hat head hair when you wear a beanie in the winter, spray the inside of it with a little Static Guard before you leave the house. You could also just pack a lowly Bounce dryer sheet in your pocket and rub it on your head to fight flyways. But I'll bet you already knew that.
I'm on Twitter: @IveyAlison.