You Can't Beat My Sock Game

And really, why would you want to?

Aug 1, 2013 at 10:30am | Leave a comment

Why didn't anyone warn me about the devil that is CANDY CRUSH SAGA??? It has completely infiltrated and ruined my life. I basically do nothing but play this stupid game 24/7. I get no work done, run no errands, only eat potato chips and almost walked in front of a bus today. If you told me my house was on fire, I'd be all "Just a second, I'm about to clear this level!" 

Emily sent out her daily email with possible posts ideas earlier and all I wrote back was, "Sorry, can't write anything today (or maybe even tomorrow or the next day) because CANDY CRUSH."

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Pure evil.

I mentioned my obsession to Daisy and she wrote back: "I never should have downloaded it -- I was just in the bathroom and all the tiles looked like jelly squares. Ugh."

Her answer reminds me of when I was legit ADDICTED to Tetris in high school -- I used to see Tetris blocks falling in front of my car when I drove. Very safe, no? In case you weren't aware, there is all sorts of cool retro Tetris themed merchandise out there if you know where to look:

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Tetris watches, $32-$40.00.

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Tetris light, $45.79.

Oh. And socks! This post is supposed to be about socks. There are Tetris socks!

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Tetris socks, $11.99/pair.

The only reason I'm even bothering to waste my time telling you about any of this right now is because I am TOTALLY OUT OF LIVES and have to wait until tomorrow to unlock my next Candy Crush quest.

(Yes, I know you can set your phone's clock back in time to fool Candy Crush into thinking enough time has passed so that it gives you more lives, but I am already pretty unsure of what day it even is. If I'm meant to keep track of "real-life time" vs. "Candy Crush time," I might as well start a small fire in a driveway and check myself into a local hospital for a nice long "rest".)

I found out about the Tetris socks because I was surfing the web for Candy Crush cheat codes (because I am way too cheap to PAY for extra lives and levels) and realized that there is now Candy Crush merchandise -- specifically, Candy Crush SOCKS. What?? AWESOME.

I love me some novelty socks. Colors, stripes, polka dots, Chihuahuas, you name it -- I live for a fun sock. And the Candy Crush socks do not disappoint -- one pair looks just like the stripe-y candy you get when you match 4 candies in a row and the other pair is the chocolate-y sprinkled candy ball that vaporizes all candies of one color when matched.

The video game socks reminded me about these insane Morrissey socks I recently found:

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Morrissey! Socks! $16.00/pair.

Who wouldn't want Morrissey's face all over their feet? Not this rad nu-waver girl, who happened to have had a custom-made Morrissey lunchbox in high school. I was legit.

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Obviously a Morrissey lunchbox is the perfect accessory for this getup.

I guarantee you, the Moz socks will sell out FAST -- so don't dawdle if you are a melancholy misanthrope who likes to be sad. I waited to buy this amazing Smiths sweater and then ended up waiting the better part of a year for it to be back in stock. (It's sold out AGAIN, natch.)

My socks never actually match in real life. So I laughed pretty hard when I found this groovy company, Little MissMatched, that totally bit my lifelong personal style and offers "pairs" of socks in 3 packs that are pre-mismatched! Thanks, but no thanks, I say --  cause I've already got this rad style on master lock.

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HAHAHAHAHAHA PEOPLE PAY ME TO DRESS THEM! Fools. 

Little MissMatched does actually have some adorable stuff. And their socks come in sets of 3 that are purposefully, artfully mismatched -- unlike my personal style, which is to just yank any 2 random socks out of the laundry basket that's permanently living on my bathroom floor as I fall down the stairs, late for work again. 

The whole idea is super cute (I SHOULD KNOW, I THOUGHT OF IT FIRST) and if I didn't already have this look down COLD, I'd be ordering some for myself tout de suite. Did I mention the Little MissMatched socks above are SCENTED??? (The smell lasts through 10 washings.)

Listen, I don't know what you just read here either. An ode to puzzle games and rad socks? A test to see if Jane and Emily will publish ANYTHING I submit, even if it's an old grocery list? Who knows? My game is now refreshed and I can once again crush candy until my eyes bleed. I'll be back with you sometime next year.

I'm on Twitter: @IveyAlison.