You Can't Beat My Sock Game

And really, why would you want to?
Publish date:
August 1, 2013
shoppables, morrissey, socks, candy crush, tetris

Why didn't anyone warn me about the devil that is CANDY CRUSH SAGA??? It has completely infiltrated and ruined my life. I basically do nothing but play this stupid game 24/7. I get no work done, run no errands, only eat potato chips and almost walked in front of a bus today. If you told me my house was on fire, I'd be all "Just a second, I'm about to clear this level!"

Emily sent out her daily email with possible posts ideas earlier and all I wrote back was, "Sorry, can't write anything today (or maybe even tomorrow or the next day) because CANDY CRUSH."

I mentioned my obsession to Daisy and she wrote back: "I never should have downloaded it -- I was just in the bathroom and all the tiles looked like jelly squares. Ugh."

Her answer reminds me of when I was legit ADDICTED to Tetris in high school -- I used to see Tetris blocks falling in front of my car when I drove. Very safe, no? In case you weren't aware, there is all sorts of cool retro Tetris themed merchandise out there if you know where to look:

Oh. And socks! This post is supposed to be about socks. There are Tetris socks!

The only reason I'm even bothering to waste my time telling you about any of this right now is because I am TOTALLY OUT OF LIVES and have to wait until tomorrow to unlock my next Candy Crush quest.

(Yes, I know you can set your phone's clock back in time to fool Candy Crush into thinking enough time has passed so that it gives you more lives, but I am already pretty unsure of what day it even is. If I'm meant to keep track of "real-life time" vs. "Candy Crush time," I might as well start a small fire in a driveway and check myself into a local hospital for a nice long "rest".)

I found out about the Tetris socks because I was surfing the web for Candy Crush cheat codes (because I am way too cheap to PAY for extra lives and levels) and realized that there is now Candy Crush merchandise -- specifically, Candy Crush SOCKS. What?? AWESOME.

I love me some novelty socks. Colors, stripes, polka dots, Chihuahuas, you name it -- I live for a fun sock. And the Candy Crush socks do not disappoint -- one pair looks just like the stripe-y candy you get when you match 4 candies in a row and the other pair is the chocolate-y sprinkled candy ball that vaporizes all candies of one color when matched.

The video game socks reminded me about these insane Morrissey socks I recently found:

Who wouldn't want Morrissey's face all over their feet? Not this rad nu-waver girl, who happened to have had a custom-made Morrissey lunchbox in high school. I was legit.

I guarantee you, the Moz socks will sell out FAST -- so don't dawdle if you are a melancholy misanthrope who likes to be sad. I waited to buy this amazing Smiths sweater and then ended up waiting the better part of a year for it to be back in stock. (It's sold out AGAIN, natch.)

My socks never actually match in real life. So I laughed pretty hard when I found this groovy company, Little MissMatched, that totally bit my lifelong personal style and offers "pairs" of socks in 3 packs that are pre-mismatched! Thanks, but no thanks, I say -- cause I've already got this rad style on master lock.

Little MissMatched does actually have some adorable stuff. And their socks come in sets of 3 that are purposefully, artfully mismatched -- unlike my personal style, which is to just yank any 2 random socks out of the laundry basket that's permanently living on my bathroom floor as I fall down the stairs, late for work again.

The whole idea is super cute (I SHOULD KNOW, I THOUGHT OF IT FIRST) and if I didn't already have this look down COLD, I'd be ordering some for myself tout de suite. Did I mention the Little MissMatched socks above are SCENTED??? (The smell lasts through 10 washings.)

Listen, I don't know what you just read here either. An ode to puzzle games and rad socks? A test to see if Jane and Emily will publish ANYTHING I submit, even if it's an old grocery list? Who knows? My game is now refreshed and I can once again crush candy until my eyes bleed. I'll be back with you sometime next year.

I'm on Twitter: @IveyAlison.