A Few Things I'm Keeping In Mind While I Try To Pull Off Boyfriend Jeans

I guess it's time, or I'm bored or something. (Also, note the double meaning in this headline.)
Publish date:
January 22, 2014
Zara, heels, jeans, boyfriend jeans, fashion rules

I don’t know how many native New Yorkers, or transplants, are reading this but everybody should know about Trash and Vaudeville and the store’s legendary iconic manager, Jimmy. If you don’t know, Google him. When I was a young teen, he taught me two very important rules about how to fit your pants. First, if Jimmy can fit his fingers into the waistband of your pants, you need a smaller size and second, if said waistband is chaffing your hip bones to the point of breaking skin and bleeding, they are the perfect size.

I have lived by these words for about 10 years and I have had very few regrets. A love handle here, a muffin top there, but for the most part I am a very satisfied customer in my skintight punk kid pants. Big ups to Tripp NYC for permanently disfiguring my intestinal tract with their unforgiving waistbands.

When it really comes down to it, it has nothing to do with how punk I am or anything. I am just a short person, actually. I know my personality makes it seem like I’m 7 feet tall (or, so I’m told.) Yet I am a solid 5’ 2”. So, in my mind short people have to wear tight clothes or else they look silly.

As a hobbit, I need to play down the fact that I am not "leggy" and play up my banging features. Such as the ass. In short, I've been afraid of baggy pants because, I don't want to look like a silly small woman trying to find her way out of her own outfit.

I’ve decided to set aside my hysterectomy pants momentarily and try to get on board with this boyfriend jean situation. I know, I’m a few years late and other things are cool now. Sometimes I can be very reluctant to get on board with the trends because, well, I’m special. So are you. Let’s all be special together and let me tell you how I decided to give in to the trend and make baggy boyfriend jeans look acceptable.

Heels Are Key

Generally, the only way to wear these jeans is to counteract them. The best way to do this is with a spiked heel. I’m wearing my favorite (and soon to be your favorite, too) ZARA heels. They are so classic and make my foot look painfully sexy, which helps because I have lost every inch of curvature in my new pants.

A Crop Top Keeps It Casual But Babeish

I’m wearing my (and Jane’s) favorite tee the MeUndies croptop. I love this shirt because it falls perfectly at the hip and creates a really nice cascading look without looking like I just rolled out of bed. Because it stops right at the waistband of the jean, you don't run the risk of looking sloppy. You can also wear something slightly tighter because you don’t really have to worry about falling out of these because they are meant to be so loose they are really just gently resting on your waist. Take advantage of that and show off your squishy side part and if you are lucky somebody might try to grab it. (ONLY IF THEY ASK FIRST THOUGH AND REMEMBER NO MEANS NO.)

Blazers And Other Fancy Things Will Make You Look Less Schlubby

Similar to the heels you are going to try to counteract the casual vibes of the bagginess with something a little more structured. As I’ve already said, you are trying to fight against the casualty of baggy jeans and sharp tailored lines is a great way to do it.

No Sweats. End of Story.

Not that you would wear sweats out of the house anyway (RIGHT GUYS?) it is important to point out that just because one item of clothing is baggy, doesn’t mean you can just give up. In fact, you should probably fight harder to look acceptable. Don’t think that because you are wearing baggy jeans you can just put on a hoodie and be done with it. You are not grocery shopping at Whole Foods in Brentwood so please put some effort in. Even if you ARE in Brentwood you can’t just walk around like a lazy slob because HELLO FAMOUS MURDERS TOOK PLACE THERE, SHOW SOME RESPECT.

All right, so this is what I have for you on baggy jeans. I didn’t make this an I’ll Try Anything Once or something because honestly, it’s not that impressive a stunt. I’m starting to wear baggy jeans and it is a little weird for me. I have one outfit down and about a million to go before I actually feel comfortable in them.

Also, haha, look how short I am in this picture.

All photos by Lana Barkin.