My Grandmother Thinks I Should Get A Sugar Daddy

Respect your elders ... and their advice.

Sep 6, 2011 at 5:49pm | Leave a comment

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Grandmothers are generally known for their wisdom and warmth, their comforting ways and old-fashioned advice. At least in storybooks they are. Where did this come from? All grandmothers I've known have had sharp tongues and majorly tough opinions, or else a totally hands-off approach.

One of mine is even a bit freewheeling and cannot cook a damn thing except for, weirdly, deviled eggs. She is always getting speeding tickets and loves psychics and used to talk to me in a sincere way about wanting to live to be old enough that she could travel to another planet. (So much for the space program now, grandma.)

This grandmother and I had dinner last night. She had some advice for me. Here is a snippet of our conversation:

Grandma: You should get yourself a sugar daddy.

Me: What?

Grandma: Yeah, why not? I don’t see anything wrong with it.

Me: You know what that means?

Grandma: Yeah! Who cares. Maybe I shouldn’t be telling my granddaughter this?

Me: Um… Well, what am I supposed to give in return?

Grandma: Whatever you’re comfortable with.

Me: What!

Grandma: I really think it’s fine. Get a car out of him. So many men just want a pretty gal on their arm to go to dinner or an opening with.

Me: OK… But I have a real problem tolerating bullshit. I can’t stand crassness, misogyny, stupidity, or disrespect. And a lot of these men, that’s their deal.

Grandma: Can’t you put up with it for an hour? Just one hour?

Me: I guesssss…

Grandma: Just make sure they’re married. That way they have a reason why they can’t be around you, they have to go back to their wife, their family.

Me: How do I find these guys?

Grandma: They find you.

Anyone else get some wild wisdom from grandma?