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Whenever I sell people on Why They Must Stop Whatever They Are Doing Right Now and Watch "Breaking Bad" Immediately, I point to this one scene where Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) is explaining to Walter White (Bryan Cranston) why they have to go with scumbag lawyer Saul Goodman (Bob Odenkirk) for representation.
The two are sitting arguing in a parking lot, and Jesse says in what is perhaps the best delivered line of all time: "Seriously, when the going gets tough, you don't want a criminal lawyer. You want a criminal...lawyer."
To get amped for the Season 6 premiere on August 11, I decided to rewatch the entire series on Netflix. And let me tell you, it did not disappoint. But what got me particularly excited was all the Saul Goodman scenes. And then when I heard the new rumor of a potential Saul spinoff after "Breaking Bad" ends its run, I got even more excited.
What do I do when I'm excited? I put together lists! So here you go, it's the Top 20 moments of Saul Goodman.
#1: Walter White: "What are you offering me?" Saul Goodman: "What did Tom Hagen do for Vito Corleone?"Walter White: "I'm no Vito Corleone." Saul Goodman: "No Shit! Right now you're Fredo!"
#2: "Look, let's start with some tough love, alright? Ready for this? Here it goes: you two suck at peddling meth. Period."
#3: "I'm gonna get you a second phone call, OK? You're gonna call your mommy or your daddy or your parish priest or your boy scout leader, and they're gonna deliver me a check for $4650.00. I'm gonna write that down on the back of my business card. Four, Six, Five, Zero, OK? And I need that in a cashiers check or a money order, doesn't matter. Actually, ah, I want it in a money order and ah, make it out to 'Ice Station Zebra Associates.' That's my loan out. It's totally legit... its done just for tax purposes. After that we can discuss Visa or Mastercard, but definitely not American Express, so don't even ask, alright? Any questions?" #4: (to Skyler): "Hello. Welcome. What a pleasure it is to have you. Just gonna call you Skyler if that's okay. It's a lovely name. It reminds me of the big, beautiful sky. Walter always told me how lucky he was, prior to recent unfortunate events. Clearly his taste in women is the same as his taste in lawyers: only the very best with just the right amount of dirty."#5: "If you're committed enough, you can make any story work. I once told a woman I was Kevin Costner, and it worked because I believed it."
#6: "Did you not plan for this contingency? I mean the Starship Enterprise had a self-destruct button. I'm just saying." #7: (to Skyler, about Ted) "You and I don't wear the same rose-coloured glasses where Johnny Fabulous is concerned."#8: "As to your dead guy, occupational hazard. Drug dealer getting shot? I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say it's been known to happen." #9: “Conscience gets expensive, doesn’t it?” #10: "All right, $16,000 laundered at 75 cents on the dollar, minus my fee, which is 17%, comes out to $9,960. Congratulations, you've just left your family a second hand Subaru."#11: “Let’s just say I know a guy… who knows a guy… who knows another guy.” #12: Walter White (about the PayPal Walt Jr. sets up): "Cyber-begging, that's all that is. Just rattling a little tin cup to the entire world." Saul: (sarcastically) "Yeah, there's no deep-seated issues there."
#13: “10! 20! 30 bucks a pop, all paid in full, nice and neat, untraceable from the good-hearted people of the world to Mr. Walter H. White, Cancer Saint. I’m getting a warm and fuzzy feeling just thinking about it.” #14: "Oh boo-hoo, I won't cook meth anymore!" You're a crybaby! Who needs you?! Hey, I'm unplugging the website, so no more money laundering! How do you like that?!#15: "It is not a disaster. It's not a disaster, all right? She's not going to the cops, she's not telling a living soul. You wanna know why? One word: blowback. If she blabs, it'll be a disaster - for her. That DEA brother-in-law? Screwed! You were right under his nose. He'll be lucky if they let him bust glue sniffers at the hobby shop. The kids? Paging Dr. Phil! "My daddy's a drug dealer and my mommy turned him in!" And the house? Gone! The feds will come in and RICO her and the kids out on the street. Good luck arguing with them on that, noooo. It's not gonna happen. She's bluffing. And she knows it."#16: “Have you recently lost a loved one in an aviation disaster?” #17: “Do me a favor. Would you put in a good word for me with Fring? Just for old times’ sake. I can’t afford to butter the wrong bread here.” #18: “Goes after him how? On his Rascal Scooter? Ahem. Perhaps sounded insensitive.” #19: (about Mike) "He said he was going to break my legs. And don't tell me he didn't mean it, okay? 'Cause he gave me the dead mackerel eyes. He meant it."#20: "Christ, you two. All I can say is if I ever get anal polyps, I know what to name them."
Do you have a favorite? A theory for how the series will end? Are you a Skyler hater or a Skyler defender? Anyone have Aaron Paul's number? Seriously, text me, Aaron.
Find Mandy long-form at http://tinyurl.com/stadtmiller.