The Same 5 Questions We Always Ask: Rob Delaney

Awesome woman-loving comedian and Twitter's official mayor on lady parts, wanting to sex Adele and why he doesn't fake his orgasms.

Rob Delaney is the kind of comedian you rarely hear about. He's friendly, sober, a loving father and has a fuzzy lobster claw instead of a right hand. (This is all true except for the lobster claw part.)

When people talk about his super popular Twitter feed they use terms like "occultish following," "wildly prolific" and "warm ham salad." I like that in his tweets --as well as in his standup and marvelous essays -- he exhorts women to love their bodies, especially the parts that they've been convinced are gross, such as "asymmetrical breasts, butt-beard, bacne, pit-cheese, cankles, surprise tampon string cameos, eczema, ashy elbows, feet of any kind, hairy knuckles, beef knuckles, uncle’s knuckles, vaginal halitosis." OK, but the sentiment is real.

I also got to see him perform "Naked and Bloody," which manages to be a one-man show about addiction that I laughed myself eye-wet over, and I am a person who generally isn't into one-man shows about addiction, or crying. Especially not crying, which is for babies, even if it is from uncontrollable laughter or having a fridge fall on you.

In short, he is living proof that you can talk about anything if you are funnier than everybody else, because he is funnier than everybody else. Rob Delaney is big deal that is only going to get bigger and bigger. Right here is where he'd probably make the really clever boner joke that everybody else is incapable of getting away with.

I asked him the same five questions we always ask, plus a few more because he's a tall guy and he can take it. What's the most played song on your iTunes?

"Two Weeks," by Grizzly Bear.

I know the answer to this one because you write and talk about it a bunch, but, for consistency's sake: What's the closest you've come to being arrested?

Actually being arrested after I drove into a building while drunk. That was almost 10 years ago. I've been sober since.

I'm almost afraid to ask, but, what's the weirdest thing you do when you're alone?

I have super-exaggerated responses if I drop something or knock something over. Like I'll scream and yell "Oh God no!" like something really bad happened then laugh at how funny I think it was that I did that. I have done this ONE THOUSAND TIMES.

Ever faked an orgasm?

No. That'd be hard to do, what with the fact that a hot load of semen usually accompanies a male orgasm.

You'd be surprised. People get creative. Who is on your celebs to make out with list?

Rosario Dawson, Adele, Jennifer Hudson and Juliet Binoche.That is a pleasantly diverse list. What are some misconceptions people have about extremely tall men?

That we're good at basketball. I am very, very bad at basketball.

One of my favorite things you've ever done is encouraged women to stop freaking out over asscrack hair or being fat or whatever. You're very sex and lady positive, which I feel is rare on Twitter with all the "men this / ladies that" jokes. What is your favorite part of a woman's body?

I like the whole thing. The face part is the most important but I really like it all, even the filthy parts. I'm becoming a major thigh guy as I get older though.

What is the coolest part about being a huge celebrity?

You mean physically huge? It allows me to actually pick up and lift my cases of Academy* Awards.

*(Academy of Krumping)

If you could be a woman for a day, which woman would you be and what would you do?

I would be Beyonce and I would give birth to her baby.