Don't Use Beyonce To Shame Me About What I Can Get Done In A Single Day

She is Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter. The rest of us are not Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter.
Publish date:
March 25, 2014
beauty, Beyonce, beauty advice, Blue Ivy

Like any reasonable person with taste and the good sense that God-Allah-Yahweh-Janet Jackson gave them, I cherish the ground Beyoncé twerks on and if you don’t see the greatness in her, you probably have cataracts in your soul. If that sounds crazy to you, fair enough -- I think you’re insane for your Beythiesm.

That said, there is this phrase that I constantly see online that I need people to stop using post haste: “You and Beyoncé have the same amount of hours in a day.”

Because this is emotional terrorism.

With all due respect to my Lord and gyrator, I don’t give a solitary good goddamn about us having the same amount of hours in a day. She is Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter. The rest of us are not Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter.

I know that the sentiment is designed to be motivational. As in, “Yes, Beyoncé is this multi-hyphenated entertainer who even Madonna, a.k.a. the Old Supreme, stans for. Beyoncé can go on a world tour while recording music videos for a groundbreaking visual album as she breastfeeds Blue Ivy, vacations with her hubby, and still make time to record Jesus’ requested lullaby album. If she can do all of these amazing things, why can’t you finish your to do list? I mean, it’s not as long as Beyoncé’s to do list.”

Well, she’s a multi-millionaire that’s a walking empire with a staff that serves as a pretty great support system. That’s why she can iMessage with Mohammad while simultaneously painting Blue Ivy’s toe nails while making London teenagers cry as she performs “Freakum Dress” and the rest of us sometimes have to email our editors on some, “Please, baby, baby please don’t smite thee” stuff.

Again, it’s a nice thought in theory, but no. It’s not motivational -- not even in the rhythmic, Kelly Rowland-sang way. As a fellow native Houstonian, let me state that Miss Third Ward may be an extremely hard worker, but she is the daughter of two upper middle class parents who were determined to properly prep their baby and her homegirls for stardom, along with the means to do so.

Some of us may have just as much of a work ethic as King Bey, but we didn’t have a Talented Tenth version of Joe Jackson in Mathew Knowles to show us the way while we still had baby teeth. And since Beyoncé’s bathtub is probably bigger than my Harlem studio, I don’t need you comparing me to that rich woman.

Wait, compare me to Beyoncé, only not in the “you should be ashamed of yourself for not getting all of this done” fashion way. More like, “Oh, snap, you nailed that ‘Blow’ choreography.” Once, a woman friend said that I looked like Beyoncé’s cousin. If she’d had a dick, I would’ve proposed to her right on the spot.

So, yes, compare me to Beyoncé, in those ways, but don’t use my pop star goddess to shame me or other people about what we can get done in a single day. So many of us are work obsessed, or at the very least, have no choice but to be work obsessed because we’re saddled with much more work than our two hands and one brain can take at a time. All so we can keep our head above water and make a wave when we can -- and pay our cable bill.

We could all use a little motivation, but there are multiple reasons why Beyoncé is Beyoncé. Hell, I’m not even sure if I could get as much done in a day as Keyshia Cole. All that said, kill the meme already. Like, take it outside, shoot it, and then grab a shovel and bury it at least 6.5 feet into the ground.

You are not helping anyone by spreading that false equivalence on social media. In fact, if you want us all to be so much like Beyoncé, you’d know that Beyoncé largely ignores Twitter and has a staff member upload an overwhelming majority of her Instagram photos.