No I've Never Heard of "The Styx," and Other Rock Bands You Can Tell Me About

Of course I've heard of Mr. Roboto, but like you, I don't know the words.

Oct 13, 2011 at 12:30pm | Leave a comment

The man pushing pork belly on a toothpick was adamant, "Are you going to the concert!" Nope, my boyfriend and I were only passing through, making a rolling stop at an outdoor food festival before heading home. What's more romantic than street meat? 

But the cube of dripping bacon was so delicious we had to go back for more. This time it was a woman who chided us, "Not going to the concert?! It's the Styx!" My boyfriend's face lit up. Mine went blank. 

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"Styx! You've heard of Styx, right?"

"Hmmm? No."

"You have. You just don't realize."

"No, seriously I have no clue who you're talking about."

"You do."

"I don't."

"Come on?"

Something like this could on for hours. College taught me that. One of the first time's I hung out with a bunch of people I didn't grow up with, the Dave Matthews Band came up. Of course, I'd never heard of him? Them? The people drinking Zima were scandalized.

One kid stood up on someone's exta-long twin and started quiz shaming me. "What about Prince? You've heard of him, right? Lenny Kravitz? Madonna?" And the berating continued until my best friend who's double we were in was like, "Um, that's enough." 

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Since then I keep my musical ignorance to my self. People get so superior about this stuff. If not knowing who Dave Matthews is somehow speaks to my inability to join the human race as a reasonable participant then you got me. 

I also don't know anything about Aerosmith aside from the fact that I think Liv Tyler's dad, the dude from Idol, runs it. The movie "Almost Famous" made me feel bad. Those fake kids were so knowledgeable, so grown up sounding because they knew the lyrics to stuff I didn't. I'd never heard 'Tiny Dancer" before. Who knew Elton John used to look like that? Genius fictional band geeks who are better than me, that's who.

And it's not just me. A friend of mine almost didn't see LOVE, The Beatles-inspired Cirque du Soleil extravaganza, because not being walking Beatles-pedia she figured she wouldn't get it. In the end, she loved it. 

I wasn't as hopeful about "the Styx," so called in my mind because I didn't know the band was one of those "it's just" deals [Emily totally schooled me]. Most of the people in the crowd looked like they knew what they were doing. One woman had a lighter to which my boyfriend replied, "Who still carries around a lighter?" Rock band fans, that's who. 

From our vantage point the band looked pretty good, electric guitar riffing and weird old white man dancing ensued. People screamed. I only kind of got into it. Then "Crystal Ball" came on.

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I used to like to walk the straight and narrow line
I used to think that everything was fine
Sometimes I like to sit and gaze for days through sleepless dreams
All alone and trapped in time
All alone and trapped in time 

Yep, that pretty much did it. I'm a Styx fan now. Sue me. Actually, don't. What I want you to do is help! Much like my budding appreciation for jogging and jazz, to pastimes born and bred in the USA, I'm ready to get into rock. So help me do my part to end the recession by listening American and suggest to sweet bands that, trust me, I've never ever heard of.