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Hey it’s me, Courtney, your favorite urban millennial. I don’t mean “urban” in the black way, but in the I-Live-In-New-York-And-I’m-Broke-And-WTF-Was-That-A-Rat way.
As an urban millennial and TV addict, I spent a lot of time watching HBO's "Girls" and "Broad City," mentally comparing the characters’ lives to mine. Yes, I know both shows are exaggerations of the truth, but I’m the type of person that gets emotionally invested in fictional plots. That’s why I decided to compare the key concepts of both shows to each other, and to my own life. I know someone is going to yell “HANNAH AND ILANA ARE NOT REAL” at me in the comments, but let’s just pretend that they are, because that’s more fun. Let us begin with…
Misguided Sexual Endeavors
I don’t think it’s even necessary to note every isolated incident of casual sex on either show because there are SO MANY, but in reality, no one is having that much sex. Well, I’m not having that much sex. I mostly receive a lot of unsolicited dick pics and then spend my evenings eating ice cream and watching Vines. Wow, my life is sad.
The explosive arguments on "Girls" are so far from my own passive-aggressive fights. The episode where Marnie, Jessa, Shosh, and Hannah just light into each other during their mini-vacation? That was so extra. Sure I have friends that make me want to scrape my face on the sidewalk, but I keep the disdain to myself and talk about them behind their backs. I’m considerate. New York friendships are closer to the loving "Broad City" variety, overflowing with endless affection and loyalty, and severely lacking in boundaries.
Being Generally Gross
Yes, real girls have weird hairs, talk to each other on the toilet, and help hide each other’s poop during a power outage.
Money, Or Lack There Of, And A General Sense of Misdirection
New York is too expensive to not know what the fuck you’re doing here. Most of us chose to live in this city to ambitiously pursue a career goal, or utilize the city’s networking opportunities. It seems like none of the characters on "Girls" ever have a consistent source of money because they’re too confused to get a job while in the midst of finding themselves. I’m trying to find myself too, but I still can’t afford drugs or quirky hair accessories.
Between rent, unlimited subway passes, and bodega food, a real job is essential to supporting dream chasing. (COUGH GET A JOB MARNIE COUGH.) Abbi Jacobson is an artist and aspirational “Soulstice” instructor, but still cleans pubes and vomits to pay the bills. New York twenty-somethings spend a lot more time complaining about how broke they are in between celebrating even the most miniscule financial victories, which are few and far between.
Everyone in New York Is Hilarious With An Eccentric, Dynamic Personality
Actually, most New-Yorkers have the same personality, or variations of the same personality. Grungy club kids, snooty fashion people with “chronic bitch faces”, kids selling candy on the subway… Yep, I just summed up the entire population of New York.
It’s Less White
Donald Glover and Hannibal Buress (Lincoln!!!!) are not the only black civilians in New York. I would like to see more culturally diverse neighborhoods on TV. Take Harlem for example – it’s gentrified, but still provides an authentic cultural experience if you know where to look.
Wild Parties That The Whole City Seems To Be Invited To
Okay, maybe this one is just a sign of my popularity, but who throws these parties? There was that giant Brooklyn rager where Jessa wore crow feathers, and the girls of Broad City spent an entire episode party hopping fro roof-top to roof-top. Why am I spending my weekends in cramped apartments with Maple Syrup Burnett’s Vodka? Why??
So who wins the Girls vs Broad City battle? Well, if you couldn’t tell by the preference in gifs, it’s…. ME!!! Just kidding, it’s… BROAD CITY!!! But ultimately ME because I’m the only one that’s real! Wahoo! Now it’s time to show me your favorite Lincoln gifs because they always make me laugh. One, two, three, go…
Follow Courtney on Twitter and Instagram @courtneypizza