Alisande Watches Downton: Episode Three

Mr Carson 4 Mrs Hughes 4ever!!!!! Also, Edith isn't getting a shag after all...
Publish date:
October 1, 2012
Downton Abbey, alisande fitzsimmons, tv recaps

First things first, Rebecca has made me include a pic of myself in this week’s recap. She suggested I post one of me watching the show so here ya go, dear readers.

This is me in the very outfit I don to watch and recap Downton Abbey, which this week proved itself to be of a most lather-ful persuasion (soap lathers, no?).

The centrepiece of the series’ third episode was, of course, Lady Edith’s wedding to her one-armed fiancé of a certain age, Lord Strallan [how did I entirely miss the fact that he only had one arm? --Rebecca].

The house was ready, the nosh was posh, and best of all, Edith had finally got one up on her sister Lady Mary, with her much-better wedding dress and tiara combo.

This is definitely a good thing, given that Strallan legged it a couple of minutes before they said their vows – it means she can wear the dress again!

Don't worry Edith, I shouted at the TV for you then immediately tweeted this on behalf of you, me and all girls who’ve ever been humiliated by a much older dishcloth of a tosspot of a man.

As well as having to tend to Lady Edith’s broken heart, the Crawleys also spent much of the episode trying to come to terms with the possible loss of Downton.

On seeing the “Loxley/ Downton Place”, the teeny 30-bedroom country mansion they were almost forced to move to, one could only empathise with Lady Mary. Apart from anything else, where would she store all her snobbery and hat boxes?

Mary clearly had the same thought, and saved the day by opening her husband’s mail, to discover that his dead fiancé’s father left him a load of money, even though he knew Matthew was never in love with said dead fiancé. Naturally.

So Downton was saved, and they didn’t have to move to the holiday cottage after all. Yay! Also, plot contrivance anyone?

Lord G and Matt are now going halvsies on the estate, which means (anticipate future tension and insert suitably dramatic music), Downton Abbey now has two masters. A phrase, which, for reasons that are probably best left unexplored, makes me snigger a bit.

Speaking of sniggering, did everyone catch the Duchess telling Lady Sybil that, “vulgarity is no substitute for wit”? Sometimes it’s like Maggie Smith is leaning out of the screen and gazing into the shallowest recesses of my soul…sigh.

Popping below stairs for a turn, was everyone as relieved as me that the lump in Mrs. Hughes the housekeeper’s breast turned out to be benign? Not so the lump in Mr. Carson’s trousers (I’ll show you “no substitute”, Duchess). Has he been in love with Mrs H this whole time?

Surely it’s time for the next servants of Downton wedding featuring these two? It would be adorable. I’d cry. I’d even dress up like a twat for the accompanying picture.

Julian Fellowes: make it happen.

Also downstairs at Downton this week, the forces of darkness (Thomas and Miss O’Brien) are still at war, with Thomas spreading rumours that O’Brien might LEAVE.

Elsewhere, Daisy is travelling further into the dark depths of feminism, even asking Anna if she thinks it’s “right that women should say what they think?” Calm down Germaine Greer.

Meanwhile, Anna went off to try and find out more about Mr. Bates’ relationship with his (still) murdered wife. And got nowhere, again.

Is anyone else bored of this storyline yet? I basically want Bates to either really freak out and go on a Charles Bronson-style rampage in the prison music room, where he listens to the Charleston on repeat for 116 hours, all souped up on lemon barley water, or for the whole thing to just end.

On the other hand, the appearance of maid-turned-prostitute Ethel at Mrs. Crawley’s sewing class for fallen women was quite welcome.

I always liked Ethel’s acts of ambition (and later desperation) and am glad she’s back with an air of mystery about her. Hopefully, next week she’ll stay a bit longer than 45 seconds.

OK, so a timely question for this week’s comments section: if Downton characters were contributing to xoJane’s We Rock Hardcore project, where readers tell us about the things their proudest of, what do you think they’d say? Also, do you think Lord Strallan was Edith's only chance of a shag EVER, or can she do better than that sappy git?