Casey and Scotty Need to Stop Making Sexy Faces At Me

The eye-groping from these two "American Idol" contestants must be stopped.
Publish date:
May 14, 2011
music, TV, american idol, Sex,

This is about the time in the competition when the contestants start to learn about how they come across on camera, and some of them always, always start trying to ooze all their icky man vibes right into the camera lens like America is their special lady and they're taking her out tonight. I'm looking at you, Constantine Maroulis.

But this year is even worse than usual, because these male contestants are just. not. suited. for this. Which isn't to say that seriously pitch-perfect Alfred E. Neuman look-alike Scotty McCreery and Casey "Every dude I've ever played hackey sack with" Abrams aren't sexy. They totally are! In their own ways, to their own people. But they are just not that kind of sexy. D'Angelo's abs sexy. Scented candles sexy. "Throw your clothes on the floor/ I'm gonna take my clothes off too" sexy.

And the cognitive dissonance between what these two actually look like and the faces they are making is giving me a case of the shudders like after you swallow a big spoonful of cough medicine.

So please, unless your name is Stefano Langone, stop eye-pleading with my panties.