Big Fancy Award Shows: Do You Care Anymore?

The American Music Awards are on in a few hours. Will you be watching, or do award shows feel boring and irrelevant to you nowadays? TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL.

Nov 24, 2013 at 3:00pm | Leave a comment

The American Music Awards are happening tonight. I believe they start in 5 hours, to be precise on your ass. I'll be watching -- it's part of my job, though originally I thought I'd just DVR it because the show is starting kinda early in California time, and I'm moving across the goddamn country in 3 weeks (I know I KNOW I won't shut up about it; forgive) and I have, like, 362 tons of work to do, and EVEN MORE packing and moving-related bullshit to accomplish today. This all translates to yes, I'll be watching the awards, even though I should probably be packing and sorting. Maybe I can do all three at the same time, a little bit?

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Heidi Klum at last year's American Music Awards, via Instagram


The idea of not watching a big mainstream awards show is actually a slight departure for me. When I was younger, I was pretty much nutzoid for the things -- especially the MTV ones. Remember the good old '80s and '90s-era glory days of the MTV Video Music Awards? They were routinely dubbed the "Oscars for youth" because they drew an insane number of teen and 20-something viewers each year, and lots of the talent featured on the shows ended up inevitably being pretty young, too. (Because CHILDREN: apparently we get a kick out of making them famous and then transforming them into scantily clad lifesize animated sex dolls!!1 Urgggg.)

The VMAs were always the most reliably weird-edgy-sexy show out there, so of course I ate that shit up. I mean, come on, 1997 Fiona Apple! Acceptance speech! World is bullshit! Can ANYTHING compare? Later I went on to obsessively watch every long, painful, drawn-out moment of the Oscars -- I still do -- and for a minute I tried to get behind the Grammys, despite the fact that the Grammys are sometimes … how can I put this … boring as hell. They don't MEAN to be boring, and of course it's still fun to watch all the pretty pop stars in their pretty dresses. But the Grammys just always felt a little like the stodgy, buttoned-up geezer trying too hard to be hip like the kidz, while the VMAs felt all nonchalant and "whatever" and effortlessly cool. (I said USED TO. As the quality and mission of their parent channel began to lag, after 2000 or so, the VMAs stopped being the show they used to be, even though they do still usually manage to drum up some sort of controversy to get people sniffing and yelling, like the Miley Cyrus situation from August.)

Anyway, the best part of any awards show is seeing the stars in their glamorous dresses, right? Red carpet fashion bitchery = can't-fail fun. It's also great times to see the inevitable little bloopers and mishaps that don't get properly edited out; those thrilling little mini-spectacles that remind us that celebrities are human AND that we're watching LIVE TV being coordinated by a crew of manic, overworked, underslept Hollywood cogs. Like Jennifer Lawrence's charmingly plebian fall on the way to the stage at last year's Academy Awards, or Kanye's awkward interrupting of TaySwift at the 2009 VMAs.

So. Do you still watch award shows? Which ones? Will you be watching the American Music Awards later? I said TELL ME ALL YOUR FEELINGS.

P.S. I'll come back and update this post if anything crazy happens at the AMAs later. Get ready.

Tell me all your feelings on Twitter too.