A Few Things That Have Kept Me Sane This Week, Featuring CUSTARD CREAMS.

Sometimes, when the shit hits the fan, you can do nothing else but spray yourself in delicious perfume and shrug those shoulders, man.
Publish date:
August 8, 2013
beauty, cookies, Benefit, biscuits, lip balms, wasps need to die, See by Chloe, john grant, witch

Anyone else going to be glad when this week is over? I've felt like I've been on a treadmill made of jelly, every step has seemed like a marathon. Today as I walked up the hill into the office I actually considered taking a little break and having a nice little sit down. This week has done me in like a kipper.

I can blame many things for my malaise this week. I can blame a big, boozy barbecue on Saturday night that descended into a train wreck of insults and a lack of sleep. I can blame myself for eating too many cherries when I know that they give me terrible stomachache. I can blame myself for chewing hard on my bad tooth, resulting in hideous nerve pain. I can blame the awful, awful things happening in the news this week.

More bad than any other week? I'm not sure, but waking up to the news this morning that two 18-year-old British volunteers in Zanzibar were the victims of a random acid attack kind of reinforced to me the idea that the world is a horrible place that I am terrified to ever bring children into.


Despite this week being a Grade A Bullshit week, I have found happiness in a few things. Call me shallow, call me trivial, but sometimes, when shit gets dark and the only thing you can see ahead is doom and despair and a fuckload of wasps in the horizon then you need these little pleasures.

I've always been quite good at being bought joy by tiny, stupid things. At work, my colleagues quite often laugh at my ability to get excited about buying a new bubble bath at lunch, or raining praise on a sandwich that I REALLY enjoyed. I suppose that balances out the fear that I often feel in sharp pangs when I hear a news story that upsets me -- highs and lows.

So when things got tough this week, here are the things I kept close by to remind me that the World isn't totally shit. FEATURING CUSTARD CREAMS! (If you don't know what they are, then get excited, food hounds.)

Benefit Ultra Plush Lip Gloss, in Poutrageous

Lip glosses generally piss me off. They look great, but they get my hair stuck in it, because Brighton is always EVER SO windy. Hair in lip gloss is not a good look, and as my hair is long and blonde I end up looking a bit like Chewbacca.

I am, however, down with looking glossy and polished and like a Blair Waldorf trust fund kid, although we all know I'm way too rough round the edges to actually pull it off. Whatever, we all have our crosses to bear.

HOWEVER, Benefit, who I love and will champion forever, have brought out this "lip gloss" that is actually more like a balm -- i.e., not sticky but still shiny! Brands always say this, that they've FINALLY come out with a wonder product that is like a gloss, but not sticky, like a balm! They lie. I'm always sorely disappointed. NOT WITH THIS! Honestly, guys, it's the shit.

Witch Naturally Clear Blemish Stick

To add insult to injury this week, I've been sporting a massive spot on the end of my nose. I was waiting for it to get a head so I can squeeze it and at least gain some satisfaction as pay-off for it squatting on my face, but no.

It's one of those horrible mushroom spots that just lurks a bit too deep and won't get a head, no matter how many hot flannels you hold over it. Little arsehole.

Luckily, I've got a Witch stick knocking around -- it helps break down excess oils and fights the bacteria that cause spots, instantly. Like, you'll swipe it across the Mount Vesuvius that is mocking you in the mirror and you can actually feel it shrinking up. TAKE THAT! So yeah, that's kind of saved my life this week.

See By Chloe

I first tried this perfume in a department store when we were on the way to IKEA. You know sometimes, when you spray a perfume and you can't stop smelling your wrists? I was constantly breathing it in and shrieking at Chris like an escaped mental patient "Smell it!! Isn't it AMAZING?!"

We didn't go back to get it that day and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Luckily, my very lovely mother-in-law-sort-of-person picked me up a bottle in Duty Free and NOW I HAVE IT!

It's mega gorgeous. It's apple and bergamot and jasmine and ylang ylang and then it deepens into a powdery, vanilla musk. I just want to lick myself when I'm wearing it, which is every day at the moment because IT'S SO NICE. And the bottle! The bottle. I die. It's display-worthy.

The only downside is that wasps really seem to love it, and wasps are my most hated things on this planet apart from maggots. Although it's a really tough call. But hey, wasps have good taste!

John Grant -- Black Belt

Song of 2013. Listen to it immediately. And then listen to the rest of the Pale Green Ghosts album, because it is fantastic.

Sample lyric:

"You think you're mysterious, you cannot be serious

You got lots of time to think of new ways to deceive yourself

You are callipygian, but look at the state you're in

You got really nice clothes, bet you didn't pay for those"

CALLIPYGIAN! The man is a genius, straight up.

Custard Creams

As far as biscuits (or cookies) go, the custard cream is massively overlooked. If I were at the supermarket, I would never choose the custard cream. There's so much choice! Of course I'll go for the chocolatey goodness of the Maryland, or the reassuring crumble of the Digestive. Never the pale, boringly packaged custard cream.

Due to extreme apathy and minor depression yesterday I raided the biscuit tin at work. A colleague had scored a major win by getting us some free biscuits and cheese as part of our weekly milk order, and if there are cheese and biscuits around then who am I to ignore them? It would be rude.

The selection at first was a little underwhelming -- digestives and custard creams. I took three of each, because six is a good even number when it comes to biscuit consumption.

And as I bit into this overlooked and ignored biscuit, I realized how wrong I had been. Just how wrong.

So tell me, have you had a bit of a shite week? And what little pleasures have kept you sane?

Love you! @Natalie_KateM.