Pinterest Continues To Be a Web of Lies, or, That Time I Almost Set Myself on Fire
Most of you know how I feel about Pinterest. I don’t know how many of you follow my “I don’t believe you board,” but there have been some doozies. Some are easier to test out than others. Though I would love to try this one:
Sadly, I do not have the time (who does) and also I have the blackest of black thumbs. Every time I look at a plant, global warming gets worse and the ozone depletes a little. I’m also not sure why the standard model of watermelon needs to be replaced. I for one have never had a problem with spherical melons and I don’t know anyone who has. Are they rolling away? Are people tired of chasing their rolling, sphere-shaped melons around? What is happening?
ANYWAY. I found four pins that I could try out at home. The results were pretty much what I expected. Let’s dive right in.
1. Using Pam as a nail-setting spray.
I cannot think of a reason that this would work. I’m no cosmetic chemist, but I don’t think canola oil reacts in such a way with nail polish so as to render an instantly dry finish. But REAL SIMPLE said it would work and they wouldn’t lie to me. I mean, it’s REAL SIMPLE, not the National Enquirer. The magazine costs $7 bucks an issue, so they have a certain amount of credibility to maintain.
OR SO I THOUGHT.
This is what happened: I painted my nails with one of those new Illamasqua polishes that makes your fingers look like little speckled eggs (that are probably filled with chocolate).
Then I sprayed my hand with Pam.
Then I touched my thumb nail. It smeared.
Then, hand still coated in Pam, I returned to my computer to re-read this woman’s blog, getting nail polish on the keyboard. So far, I am not a huge fan of this pin. This lady-blogger seems to be in on the Real Simple/Pam/Nail Polish conspiracy, aka The Most Boring Conspiracy Ever.
Side note: She calls herself “The Smelly Wife” and has a GIANT DIAMOND ring, which she coats with Pam. This is not really relevant, just interesting.
Since all of my other nails had just been chillin’ with Pam on them, I thought maybe the prolonged exposure would have caused them to set.
I even tried it with a different nail polish. This was also a complete failure.
2. Microwaving Ivory Soap to make a soap monster.
I’m still not sure why anyone would want to do this. This lady was all “For the chirren’!” and offered up this helpful tip:
“…sometimes I hold it up over them in the tub and let it “snow” by smashing it and letting it sprinkle down like little snow flakes.”
She also molded them into more different looking soaps using her food processor and some cookie cutters.
Anyballs, it did work and it was kinda cool to watch:
I did actually enjoy that, you can tell by my idiotic laugh in the video, but then I was left with a bunch of dried-out soap, which is not even as useful as it sounds, and since I don’t have any children to sprinkle soap-flakes on, I just took some selfies with it and threw it away.
Cool story, Claire…
3. Mountain Dew Glowstick
You know, for the times when you go camping and bring Mountain Dew, hydrogen peroxide, and baking soda, but forget to bring a flashlight.
This pin did not actually link to anything, I just got an error message that was basically Pinterest saying, “We don’t know what you’re talking about,” so all I had to go on was the caption accompanying the pin.
Here’s how it went down:
4. THE GRAND FINALE: Using string, acetone, and fire to make a vase or cup out of a wine bottle.
This would actually be neat if it would work. I have a lot of empty wine bottles, and my city doesn’t recycle glass. When I first read this pin, though I was skeptical, I had visions of giving homemade, up-cycled, glasses and vases made of old wine bottles as gifts. Everyone would be impressed, demanding these treasures, and the only downside would be that I would have to keep drinking wine to fulfill the demands. What a life that would be!
Lady-blogger Jordan promised me this would work and that I would be able to put a bunch of flowers in my up-cycled wine bottle. The method even had a rating of 4.8 pickles! How could it fail?
I did find it interesting that her plunging-water went from having no ice to being full of ice in the photos accompanying step 6, but I decided not to question the pickles until I had tried the method for myself.
Disclaimer: This is a bad idea. There are so many ways to hurt yourself while attempting this that I’m going to advise you against attempting it. As we are fond of saying here at xojane:
DON’T YOU BE LIKE ME.
Even though I did exactly what the pin/Jordan said to do, I won’t be giving wine bottle vases as gifts anytime soon.
I soaked my string in acetone.
I slid it on the bottle.
I set it on fire.
And in a classic case of “You know better, asshole” I had forgotten to trim the string and almost burned myself up.
I (quickly) plunged it in the ice water.
The wine bottle laughed and laughed.
Not to be discouraged so quickly, I switched to a cheaper (thinner) wine bottle and used a lot more string. This made for a long-burning, very bright fire.
It worked. The bottle did break.
And, now I have a new drinking glass!
You can’t tell from that picture, but a giant crack runs down the length of the glass.
So the only thing that worked was the Ivory soap thing. Thanks, Pinterest. I’ll remember this for when I have children and want to sprinkle soap flakes on them.
Have you people ever been disappointed by Pinterest? Have you encountered any of these ridiculous-seeming pins that actually worked?
Follow Claire on Pinterest, just to make sure she isn’t setting herself on fire. Someone needs to keep an eye on her. @clairelizzie