I Object to My Inclusion on Regretsy

Come on, dudes. It was a Lil Kim infant gown. I’M IN ON THE JOKE.
Publish date:
May 25, 2011
etsy, sewing, lil kim, crafting, regretsy

Last month, my husband posted that link to my Facebook wall, “20 Sad Etsy Boyfriends,” highlighting some sad sack dudes suckered into modeling mainly hand-knitted hats. My friends were all over it, and it might have been pretty funny if it weren't for this boot-in-the-nuts comment from "drunken atheist. "


"Man, jeals of your regretsy fam," wrote a friend. Regretsy fame. That’s some shit. My beans have slow-burned over that privilege for a year and a half, since I first lost stumbled on my Regretsy send-up in October of 2009.

I mean, first off, Regretsy is a completely awesome name, and a brilliant concept. Countless posts are weepingly hilarious. But as in every other aspect of my life, I AM DIFFERENT, an exception. I am untouchable. I don’t crochet tampons. I make cute little baby gowns out of recycled vintage and second hand t-shirts I hand-select to be extra bitchin and, whenever possible, funny.

One of my personal all-time faves was the now infamous Lil Kim edition. I thrifted a kick-ass Marc Jacobs Loves Lil Kim shirt, originally sold at Marc stores with proceeds going a non-profit helping at-risk youth that Kim herself had been a part of growing up in Brooklyn.

So October ‘09, around the time I first learned of Regretsy as a thing, a friend posted a Regretsy link to my Facebook wall thinking I would love it. It took about two minutes of browsing the site to realize my stuff was on there. I was so infuriated. What was so tragic about my shit? It was funny. And awesome. She’s not nude on it, there’s no foul language. The item I made from it was lovely in design and construction, a sweet classic lap tee-style infant gown, a basic piece in any layette. I regret-sy nothing!

Plus, Helen Killer edited my Etsy listing before using it in her post, removing Lil Kim lyrics I had included because her blurb wouldn’t have been as entertaining if she didn’t. I reveled selling it to a jewelry designer in London. Then again, maybe it’s a skewed honor to be a part of the first week of Regretsy. I’m a pioneer of the craft world cyber-bullied.

I defer to Queen Bee:

At first I seem friendly; but that's just in me

I warn you -- when I blow, it gets a little windy

You make me wanna fight you, I ain't nothin like you

Y'all "Paper Thin," my shit recycled

~Lil Kim, Custom Made