Having an organized and stylish place to keep your weed that you can leave out in plain sight is an option any adult deserves.
London Fashion Week starts on Friday and I’m faced with the usual conundrum of what to wear. It’s still winter (obvs), but we’re meant to be wearing our Spring/Summer wardrobes, while attending shows featuring next Autumn/Winter’s clothes. Ridiculous, isn’t it?
I’ve never been ‘trendy’ and don’t intend to start playing that particular game anytime soon (surely this is the reason no-one ever takes my photo outside the shows RIGHT?), however never let it be said that my unique combination of stinginess, laziness and fear of change got in the way of FASHION darling! It is fun to freshen up much-loved wardrobe favourites with a bit of new season jazz.
So, I sat down with the phonebook-sized March issue of Vogue and started taking notes. Here are the key SS/13 trends according to that venerable fashion bible and this is how I plan to wear them to fashion week, without spending any money.*
Trend: Colourful MetallicsItem I’m Recycling: Blue ASOS clutch
I’m a bit dubious about this sugary-metallic, sweetie wrapper trend, as seen at Burberry and Donna Karan, so the easiest way for me to get involved and show that I’m at least vaguely aware of the current fashions is to dig an old handbag out of the scary bit at the top of my wardrobe. It’ll ‘pop’ nicely against my trusty camel cashmere coat.
Trend: SnakeskinItem I’m Recycling: M&S court shoes
Snake has replaced leopard as the print of the season and appeared in all sorts of unnatural, neon and pastel hues at Equipment and Erdem. My M&S courts are a sensible brown and don’t make my feet want to cry which means they barely qualify for this trend, but they also fit in with the vogue for low heeled shoes so they’re IN.
Trend: MonochromeItem I’m Recycling: Polka-dot sequin collar Jaeger top
The easy-peasy lazy way to wear monochrome (as seen at Giles, Jil Sander and Céline) and avoid looking like a waitress (Diane’s fear too) is with a smattering of black and white on a top.
Trend: Skirt suitsItem I’m Recycling: Mama’s raw silk Monsoon skirt suit.
Trouser suits are still big (phew, I can still wear my beloved Jaeger Boutique floral number) but skirts and matching jackets also popped up at Simone Rocha and Dolce & Gabbana. I've 'borrowed' my mum's Monsoon skirt suit from the early '90s and will be squeezing into it for fashion week!
Trend I’m Ignoring: Wide stripes (and crop tops, sheer and ruffles)Item I’m Stubbornly Continuing To Wear: Breton tops
I am DONE with the fashion press being snarky about Breton stripes in an effort to convince us to look like walking Zebra crossings instead. Fine, there is a graphic boldness about the black and white bars (and checks) seen at Mark Jacobs, Louis Vuitton and Dolce & Gabbana, and I might be tempted to wear them, but slagging off my beloved Bretons isn’t going to be the way to persuade me. Can’t we all just get along?
Now, although clearly I am too cool to care whether anyone takes my photo or not, being a proper grown-up fashion editor who is above such petty ego-boosting, do you think if I wear all of the above AT THE SAME TIME, someone might street-style-snap me? Because I might just do it, and yes that is a threat...
*This is a bit of a lie – I am buying some new stuff, but they’re just basics (said in whiny voice) like a plain white shirt from Uniqlo, some new Gap chinos and those cool Massimo Dutti monk shoes – I neeeeed them.