WILL YOU MARRY ME? WEDDING DRESS IDEAS FOR WEIRDOS

Hurry up and get hitched! It's not too late to be a June bride.

Jun 5, 2012 at 11:08am | Leave a comment

XOJane commenter "Ona_In_Barcelona" responded to my “Random Stuff I Love” post yesterday with the news that she had just gotten engaged!

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Congrats and all, but Ona, why are you so concerned about the ring?  You should be more worried about finding a dress! Rings come and go, but those wedding pictures will never die. Also, I want to point out that there is still time for you to be a June bride!  Did you know that people get married in June to honor Juno, the Roman goddess of marriage? Neither did I, until I just Googled it.
 
The whole process of buying a wedding dress is so crazy -- you can't just grab one off the rack and try it on in private without being under the watchful eye of an unhelpful saleswoman, and you have to order some of them up to 6 months in advance. 

I will never understand this -- getting married seems like something people just do on impulse, no?
 
If I had 6 months to mull it over, I’d definitely change my mind about what I wanted to wear at least 5 times, and I might just change my mind about whom to marry while I was at it.
 
I hope to never get married, but I sure do like to dress up. So I am always casually considering what I might wear to the ultimate costume party, my own wedding. My dress would be weird, for sure.
 
(Sorry in advance to any PR flaks whose client's gowns I may showcase here.Actually I know ZERO publicists, so nobody can silence me!)

A rainbow dip-dyed wedding dress would be my very first choice, were the need to arise. This may or may not be due to my love of the world’s most amazing wedding dress of all time, Gwen Stefani’s pink dip dye John Galliano gown.

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Dress, John Galliano.

You can really just dye any piece-of-junk dress you find at a thrift store any color you want, as long as it is a natural fiber. I learned this from my time working with Todd Oldham -- he once shoved a $30.00 thrifted silk chiffon gown in the hotel clothes washer with a bottle of black dye and the results were so spectacular, I wore it to a wedding and ended up dancing with everyone’s boyfriends.

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I have no willing helpers to take pics of stuff I want to show you.  I swear I don’t stand like a pretzel.

Todd’s theory is something like “What do you have to lose? It could turn out amazing.” I say try your luck dyeing any old frock you may have lying around.  You can always hit it with some Rit Color Remover if it all goes south.  Life is an adventure.

Can you imagine getting married in a caftan wedding dress? This one is ridiculously expensive, but so stunning. A caftan covers a multitude of sins (or tattoos your parents may not know about) and is comfortable as hell.

A kimono dress is an equally great idea -- and imagine the drama when you, the bride, swan down the aisle with those sweeping sleeves! You probably don’t even have to wear underpants with it. I am big on no underpants. It’s like I got one over on life anytime I can avoid wearing them.

I could also see myself wearing a 1980's inspired "prom style" dress:

I can't ever get enough of 80's prom dresses.  I like this dress because 1) it is not white and 2) it has a print.  It could be made out of the wallpaper from your grandmother's bedroom. I love Betsey Johnson. Hurry up and buy something from Betsy before she goes out of business. This strapless dress reminds me that I am always wondering why it is so hard to find a wedding dress that is not strapless. 

I am starting to think it’s because designers want to save money on fabric. Also, the armscye (literally the "arm's eye," or armhole) is the most difficult part of a dress to sew, in my opinion. I think wedding dress designers have just decided to eschew arms all together, thereby both streamlining the sewing process and cutting the bottom line. 

They are certainly not passing the savings on to the customer, though -- the average wedding gown costs anywhere from $1,000.00-$5,000.00. That's a lot of money for a dress with no arms.

I am also way into the idea of a wedding suit. I mean, MIA FARROW??

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Mia and Frank, 1966.

I just love the 1960’s in general. A wedding suit is the perfect thing to wear to a courthouse or Las Vegas wedding. I am sadly strictly forbidden to get married on the sly in Vegas.  My mother has threatened me with not inheriting the crystal and silver if I do. She doesn’t care if I get married in a barn, she just wants to be invited.

You really can’t go wrong with any sort of 1960s-inspired wedding dress. The shapes are sweet, the lines are clean, and the overall attitude is fresh and flirty. Please nobody say "Mad Men," I can’t take it anymore. "Mad Men" is about to be included in the book “Stuff White People Like.”

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This dress sadly does not exist for sale--I have looked EVERYWHERE.

Alice Temperly makes some of the most amazing wedding/not wedding style dresses I've seen.  Her resort 2013 collection showcases one of my favorite "unexpected" looks for wedding dresses -- black accents.  I have always hated white wedding shoes. A black shoe grounds any dress beautifully, and a black ribbon belt at the waist is so Victorian and proper.

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Alice Temperly Resort 2013, price unavailable.

Adding black to your wedding ensemble is easy -- grab some wide velvet ribbon to make an obi-style sash, or just tie a thin black silk ribbon on an antique lace dress.  I love how black pops against a cream colored dress.  Don't forget some crazy black heels.

None of these wedding look ideas are anywhere near normal. That's the point! Any fun, fancy party dress that happens to speak to your personality can become a wedding dress. It all depends on how you look at it.

Congrats again, Ona! Thanks for letting me live vicariously through your life experiences.

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