Mission Impossible: Getting Jane into Bridalwear

Our first fashion field trip was a success despite our collective feeling of panic, their lack of small sizes, and poor dance moves.
Publish date:
October 28, 2011
weddings, wedding dresses, davids bridal, jane needs help

I have worked for Jane for like 1,000 years and sometimes can see her as a cool big sister, trust me -- I have never thought of her as a lover.

But I guess when you walk through a bridal store all giddy and laughing (as we did for this piece Jane wrote asking for wedding dress help), people tend to think what they want. For some reason walking into the store under the guise of somebody actually looking for a dress for that perfect day made me a little nervous; and I don't get nervous.

The first thing out of my mouth was "Where is your sale section?" (This was me going incognito as the general public). Apparently, according to the Concierge, there was no sale section, but we can look online.

We were directed to the size zero section, where literally, there were only three lonely dresses. This in fact ended up being OK since we couldn't zip the first gown she tried on, like not even close. So, either Jane's been eating a lot lately [I have, I have! --Jane] or the bridal industry hasn't jumped on the whole vanity-sizing craze of other mass retailers. So, I ran back over and grabbed some 4's and 6's.

We had gotten as far as the dressing room door when the David's Bridal Concierge gave us a big "ExcuuuseMe" and told us to fill out an intake form to gain access to the David's Bridal dressing rooms. Everything was going well until we were asked the name of the Husband/Partner Jane was going to be "married" to. After listing all of the most obscure dead power women we could we settled on Ellen Degeneres (who is not dead) and to the tune of the wedding reception classic "Finally" by CeCe Peniston, we entered the dressing room.

I don’t know if it was CeCe, David's Bridal, a flashback of renting a tuxedo for prom, or seeing Jane in her very own lacy polyester casket but I honestly could not help myself but to sweep Jane off her feet a-la wedding reception. Instead of doing the traditional electric slide, I did some sort of dosey- do that I may not be totally proud of but I couldn't help myself!

Our first fashion field trip was a success despite our collective feeling of panic, their lack of small sizes and poor dance moves. Speaking of dancing, I would like to leave you with the actual David's Bridal playlist that we got straight from the source -- thanks Vanessa! Enjoy! And go vote on which dress should be Jane's wedding go-to!

1. Finally - CeCe Pennington (see above)

2. Million Dollar Bill - Whitney Houston

3. My Boo - Usher & Alicia Keys

4. Sweetest Taboo - Sade

5. You Are The First, My Last, My Everything - Barry White

6. Dance With My Father - Luther Vandross

7. Just Fine- Mary J Blige

8. Emotions - Mariah Carey