OPEN THREAD: What Is That Fashion Thing You Just CAN'T CONQUER?

What ARE hats really? I’m so confused by them.

Jul 15, 2013 at 3:30pm | Leave a comment

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I JUST DON'T GET HATS

 
So, now that I have a big girl job and a big girl apartment where I throw big girl dinner parties, I really just wear my big girl pants. Boring Big Girl Pants. 
 
Haha just kidding, I look fucking awesome all the time. 
 
That said, I have absolutely calmed down my shtick since I was a wee one. Which happens when you are older and you get made fun of enough times it actually starts to weaken your creative spirit. I’ve gotten pretty disappointed in myself. I used to be such a freak show and now I’ve toned it down to the point of BLAH.
 
Remember, nobody likes a basic bitch. 
 
So I’m upgrading. I’m getting more patterns, some different shapes, and maybe (MAYBE, NO PROMISES) a few colors. There is one thing I need to add to my closet that I cannot for the life of me figure out. The Hat. 
 
What ARE hats really? I’m so confused by them. I want to buy a hat, but there are so many things to take into account. Will it be too hot? Do I look like a hippie? Is it going to fly off when I’m on the subway? Do I look like Justin Timberlake? What type of hat AM I? What is my hat persona? Jenny From The Block? Slash circa 2002?  Buena Vista Social Club? 
 
So, here I lie, hatless and confused. Someday I’ll figure it all out, this hat conundrum. Do you feel me though? 
 
What is the one thing you wish you could pull-off but you have no idea how to? What is your sartorial black hole that confuses you and just makes you run back to flats and your little black dress? Tell me, let us wallow in the one that got away.