OPEN THREAD: Flip-Flops. The Final Word.

Not. Okay.
Publish date:
July 29, 2013
open thread, flip-flops

I would say this is an open thread, but I can really only see one side to this argument. I think the commenters and I have had a pretty good thing going on and nobody hates me too much because I tend to stay away from the hard topics. I think that this era of my time at xoJane is over because I can no longer be silent. So this is my final argument on the issue.

Flip-Flops are an unacceptable form of footwear outside of the dorm shower your freshman year at college. Here is why:

  1. They are unsanitary. This is actually indisputable. They are physically lifting dirt from the ground onto your legs. Fecal dust is getting swept up onto your calf every time you take a step. This is the definition of revolting, poop on you.
  2. The word flip-flop is actually an onomatopoeia which means it is a word that describes a sound both in meaning as well as pronunciation. That said, it is one of the most obnoxious sounds that ever a foot can make. As Madeline so aptly said once "It is the sound that is the complete opposite of the sexiness of heels clicking on a marble floor."
  3. They literally scream "Today, I don't love myself enough to put on real shoes and I have given up on life." I don't care if you dress those things up with rhinestones and glitter, putting on flip-flops is a white flag gesture akin to wearing sweatpants to a bar at 4 pm. You are all better than that.
  4. They are not comfortable, and they are actually pretty bad for your feet. You can be comfortable in other shoes. There are millions of shoes out there (this fact gives me a warm feeling inside) and some of them are all things comfortable, sanitary, attractive and inexpensive. So if you think flip-flops are the most comfortable shoes you can find, you are incorrect.

Okay. There, I made my case and that is the last you will hear about it from me. I promise. No more hating on flip-flops (publicly, on so have at it in the comments. Let's fight this one to the death. KIDDING. I love you all even if you are wearing flip-flops...kind of.

Tweet photos of your flip-flop alternatives to me and I'll follow you back and we can be Internet friends.