Hide your jeans, hide your knife.
I'm like someone's yaya or bubbe. A lovable old lady who can't wait to tell strangers how much she paid for something. Because you can take the girl outta the outlet but you can't take the outlet outta the girl.
Three years ago when Tim Gunn told me I looked fabulous -- "Seriously, top six of the night." -- at the annual White House Correspondents Association Dinner I whispered in his ear, "Filene's. On sale. Sixty dollars."
"But the belt! The belt is what makes the whole thing... pop," praised Gunn.
"Bebe. On sale. Eighteen dollars," purred Helena.
Zara is my Shangri-LA. My college ID still gets me 10 percent off at Club Monaco. And Target? Target is a bargain bitch's boon.
I've been a fan of Le Tar-jay (do people still say it like this?) since the OG Isaac Mizrahi days. I still have his cashmere crewneck from 2005 and a houndstooth sheath that kills in patent leather boots. I even considered bribing a cashier to let me at Alexander McQueen's McQ line early. She didn't and I missed out.
So I headed over to my local Super Target to check out the latest in designer duds for the Depression-era, hoping the retail goddess would favor me despite my lateness. Apparently when this thing launched on Tuesday the collective keyboard salivating of bargainistas (forgive me) everywhere nearly caused the Apocalypse. This better be good.
I saw these two pieces online and I needed them in my life closet post haste.
With this romper and this travel bag everything is possible. The world, nay the universe, would be a better place because of a chevron-patterned rainbow. Unfortunately, and OF COURSE, neither piece was at the store. And the first rule of Bargain Finder Club? Always try stuff on. It's easy to make plastic crap look expensive online but IRL quality matters.
Anywhoodle, this is what was in store instead of my Awe Inspiring Romper of Psychedelic Peace.
Overheard while walking away from the Missoni Decor section destroyed:
Girl 1: "Are these it?"
Girl 2: "No, I don't think so."
Girl 1: "Are you sure?"
Girl 2: "I think maybe we passed it."
They hadn't. But the moment? The moment had definitely passed us late birds by. Thing is this always happens. Like did anyone get anything? I want to meet the woman romping around the city in all the cool stuff that'll be "out of stock" forever. Who are these people? Did they stay up all night hitting refresh? Did they study at the master level under the OG Mervyn's lady?
If you got something awesome from the Target Missoni collabo I want to see it. I want to know that you, indeed, exist and this whole charade isn't some advanced field study done by aliens on how crazy American women will go for designer on the cheap. I'll leave you with this urban myth made true by me. I bought a Missoni dress for $60 dollars. On sale. At K&G. Yes, that K&G.